Sparkling

witty

This tag is associated with 3 posts

Got Milk?

dog, cute dog pics, got milk, Milk Ambassador

Can’t think of a more convincing Milk Ambassador

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I want Corpse guy’s number …

“I guess it depends on what you’re using them for….”

A series of text messages I got from a completely random number:  

them:  Do I need all of these corpses?

me: Daddy?

them:  What?

me: Is this my father?

them:  Larry?

me:  No.  I think you have the wrong number.

Them:  Sorry.

me: But wait…why DO you have so many corpses?

them:  Why did you assume I was your father?

me:  It’s sort of a long story.

them:  Ditto.

me:  Well.  Good luck to you then.

them:  You too.

And this is why I LOVE the Bloggess!  Check out The Bloggess

There’s no one else like her. You’ll wonder how you survived this long without being part of her witty, hilarious days!

I want THEM’s number. I really really really want to know how they got that many corpses and what THEM plans on doing with them (the corpses).

If you’re here from NaBloPoMo where the theme of the month is Connect, well, let’s just say I’m dying to connect with people and guys over interesting conversations… (pun totally intended…). Ideally, it would be interesting conversations and meaningful relationships but I’ll take what I can get… (we’re already covered how well my dating life is…)

I bet THEM and I could strike up a friendship — This is how I imagine our conversation:

ME: You know, were you just a tad worried when you realized you had the wrong number?

Them: Nah, we can just add to the corpses… We have a lot as is, one more is nothing…

ME: Hmmm I see. Should you really be texting about corpses? Isn’t it a little sensitive?
You could get into A LOT of trouble… and I mean the FBI, CIA, NYPD, LAPD, WhateverstatePD

Them: I guess, but we’re not too worried. Look how the rest of them turned out…

ME: I can’t see how they turned out but I’m certainly seeing a trend…. Well, I’m just looking out for you. You can be sure I won’t say a thing. It’s just between you and me.

Them: Thanks man. Good to know you got my back. That’s pretty kool.

ME: I’m a woman=)  It must be stressful.  I’m here anytime you need to talk.
When I say I’m here, don’t come find me or turn up at my door. Texting will do…

Them: sure honey. that’s nice. Our truck is full right now so we try not to travel unless we absolutely need to   take care of things…

ME: OK. Sounds good. stay where you are. Be safe and warm. Keep the heat and moisture away, they’re not good for your “passengers”. You should bring a lot of, uhrm, hydrogen peroxide to remove the blood stains?

You know, I just googled and it’s not clear what you use to remove blood stains since they are So. Stubborn.
What Do You use?

Them: Our trade secret. Sorry. can’t share. You often have to remove blood stains too?

ME: Uhrm, think that hits my boundary… Let’s leave this for another time…. I should go sleep. It was nice talking to you. Text soon again!

Them: no prob.  we gotta go make grilled meat sandwich. goodnight

My Suitor

Hello, I’m SO SORRY I’ve been MIA. I’ll post another post about why I haven’t been posting.

Let’s get to the fun conversation I had yesterday.

As the title post suggests, my suitor came calling yesterday ….
Side note: It sounds romantic right? =) Why doesn’t anyone speak/write this way anymore?
No one uses “My suitor” or “came calling”.
Now it’s “this guy” “texted me” or “hung out with me”. So unromantic and unclear…

Back to the conversation with my friend…

Me: My suitor came calling yesterday…
Friend: Hope you didn’t pick up the phone after THAT date…

Me: uhrm no, it was a different suitor. He came hopping into my living room more precisely…

Friend: Frogs do NOT count as suitors!!

Me: He’s NOT a frog!! He’s a PRINCE!! We just haven’t kissed yet!!!

Friend: How have things turned out this way?  *sighs*

Me: I don’t know. But at least I have a persistent suitor….

I tell you, He's a PRINCE!!! Not simply a frog!

I tell you, He’s a PRINCE!!! Not simply a frog!

Said suitor, takes the form of a young frog. I maintain He’s a Prince. Wait till we kiss!!

He often comes around and sometimes decides to hop into my living room. Since this has occurred multiple times, I consider him a persistent, dedicated suitor…. I’ve yet to get a good picture of him and will post it once I get a good one.

He’s very dark green and he only comes over at night (I know, sketchy right?) so it’s hard to get a good, clear picture.

As this post alluded to, I had a date recently… and it was, well, interesting ….

That’s another post to entertain all of you…. Might as well get a good laugh out of these less than stellar dates!

So I owe you many posts. 1. Why I’ve been MIA    2. The recent date.

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