Sparkling

Mental Health

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Happy New Year! Choose 1 Word to Define Your Year!

Happy New Year!
I hope all of you had a good new year and holiday season whether you spent it at home or out at a big party celebrating!
It’s a new year, a new start, and another 365 days of possibilities.
Here’s to a great year ahead for all of us — one that is filled with happiness and realization of goals.

Like myself, you may enjoy making a list of things to achieve during the year, writing down 3 or 20 resolutions. Or perhaps you don’t believe in resolutions or maybe your life is close to perfect so there’s not much more you’re asking for.

Whichever category you fall in, here’s a way to live your year the way you want it.

Choose one word and work at living your year that way.

I chose Happy.

I'm going to be happier and this is going to be happy year

I’m going to be happier and this is going to be happy year

I want to be happier this year, I want this to be a happier year.
I need more happiness.
And while I said choose one word, I’m adding on a related point which is to be less stressed about everything.
I need to be less stressed out about things and be happier.
There we go! That’s how my year is going to be for me– a happy happier year!

The irony is, it’s going to take alot of work and effort to the happy and happier.
We’re only into the 4th day of the new year and I’ve already been fighting to live my hours and days that way (the happier way).

New Year’s day, I was tired, sleep deprived and stressed out about all the new year emails I wanted to send to say hi and reconnect with people. I spent the whole day doing that.
By the time evening came around, I had a headache and was slightly dizzy and had to drag myself to a pre-arranged dinner. Dinner dragged on too long and I was even more tired by the time I reached home.
I was grouchy and resented having to appear at the dreaded work desk the next day.
I was annonyed, pissed, irritated and stressed because I hadn’t sent out all the emails I wanted to.
Basically I was the opposite of happy and less stressed. Not a good start.

2nd day I grouchily dragged myself to get to my work desk and begrudgingly sat through the day, wishing it would be over. Working on a document write up, I had a draft which I hoped would just require a few changes. But NO. The person had a whole lot of new ideas to add which meant MORE Work for me.
2nd January — I am NOT in the mood to work. Again, not exactly happy.

This morning started out well, I forced myself to wake up early and go for a yoga class.
Then it got a little rough. I had things to do but was paralyzed fear and took me awhile to get started.
I managed to get 2 hours of work done which wasn’t much but better something than nothing.
Segue to tonight, I met with a friend for dinner which was nice. We had drinks and pasta and chatted the night away. A improvement on being happier.

I’m working at being happy and less stressed.
A few minutes ago, I could feel the stress creeping up as I thought about the emails I haven’t replied to and the things i need to take care of this weekend that I haven’t started on.
It was enough to get me into a bad mood.

Then I reminded myself, I need to live the year happy.
I took a deep breath and started this post.
I am going to work at be happier and having happy year.
I can do it. And I will be happier.

I’m going to reply to those emails and take it in stride, and stress out less about it.
That’s the plan =)

What’s the one word you chose to define your year?

This Way to Happier

Many of us look at our life, fairly convinced that if a few aspects were better, we’d be much happier.

If I had a better job, I would worry less about money and be happier.
If my partner was more understanding, I would be happier
If I had more money, I could look prettier.

Sometimes it also takes the form of wishing for some other aspect of someone else’s life.

If I had job, like Tom’s, I would worry less about money and be happier.
If my partner was more understanding, like Mary, I would be happier
If I had more money, like Grace who has a trust fund, I could look prettier.

We live with these thoughts on a regular basis. Maybe not daily.
But every week, every month, they’re sitting there with as as our regular companions.
Assuring us how much better and happier our life would be if only a few aspects would be better.

Days are spent trying to make it better, wondering how you are going to get through the next day or week.

The dissatisfaction piles up to a sharp climax where you decide you’ve had enough.
You need a change. It’s going to be better.

Maybe it’s a revelation in your life. or maybe an impulse. Perhaps a mid life crisis.
It’s impossible to know which it truly is.

You make some HUGE decision in your life that drastically alters your life. You believe this will lead you to happiness.

You change your job from something you have been grinding at to pay the bills to something you love.
Which means you have to start from scratch. You swear you will be happier doing what you love even if it pays much less.

You move to a place you’ve always dreamt about living in.
Convinced life will be better and you will be happier.

This Way to Happier Signpost

This Way to Happier

You embark on that journey, overflowing with conviction you are right. You’ve made a big, brave move.
You will be happier, life will be better.

And then you realize as you walk on that journey, it’s not a smooth sailing path to the better life and happiness you thought.

There are new problems. Maybe even the old problems linger, resurface.
There are downsides you didn’t predict before.
You’ve taken this huge step towards your dream life, what you always thought would make you happier.
Only to find out, this direction has it’s problems as well.

What we think our happier life would be, someone else’s picture perfect life we wish we could have
It’s greener and sparkling with beauty from a distance.
Up close and threading on it, you realize it’s not a smooth road.
It has its own problems, different ones perhaps, but problems anyway.

It doesn’t necessarily solve the old problems.
After making a huge sharp turn in your life, you realize much of life and decisions you make, is about trade offs.

The sign you put up that read “This way to happier”  bears its own course and trials.
You will never know until you try.
But you may try and realize the hike to Happier lets you down.

Have you made a big decision in your life that would make you happier? Share your story and journey!

Read about Anna’s story of packing up her life and moving countries on the road to Happier
You can read more about her story at http://www.kansies.com/

Tips on Coping with Anxiety

Overall Attitudes For Handling Anxiety

Here are general mindsets for coping with anxiety if it’s a problem for you. The advice below will work best if your anxious feelings are mild to moderate. If your anxiety is more severe you may need to seek extra help. There are quite a few suggestions below, so pick and choose the ones that speak to you the most.

The points below are about tackling anxiety directly. You can also do a lot to indirectly cut off anxiety at its source by making broader lifestyle changes, which this article discusses.

Another huge part of dealing with anxiety in the long term is facing your fears, both of the situations which scare you, and of your anxiety itself causing something bad to happen in them. This article and this article go into that more.

What doesn’t work is avoiding your fears or trying to satisfy your anxious urges

As this article on the nature of anxiety explains, anxiety will either try to tell us, “Avoid this scary situation and I’ll go away” or “Perform these actions and I’ll go away” These approaches never work in the long term. It’s playing right into the counterproductive behavior your anxiety is encouraging. It’s like trying to cure a drug addiction by smoking more crack, because it makes you feel better when you do it. The proper way to deal with anxiety isn’t nearly as easy or immediately gratifying as giving into the cravings. Most people eventually decide it has to be done though.

As you get more experience with your anxiety you’ll be able to handle it better

When anxiety first starts to negatively affect your life it can throw you for a loop because it’s so scary and unfamiliar. It’s easy to get swept up in it without stopping to think about what’s happening or where it’s taking you. With more experience you’ll start to become more familiar with your anxious tendencies. You’ll also get to know the course your anxiety tends to take when it comes on.

Combined with coping strategies, this will give you more of an ability to address your nervous feelings. The first few times anxiety appears it has the advantage of catching you off guard. With time you’re better able to step back and see the process unfold, and matter of factly say things to yourself like, “Oh, I just got reminded of how I need to pay off that debt. My heart is starting to beat a bit fast. If this keeps up I’ll feel pukey and shaky soon. I’ll use approach X now because I know that usually works.” Just being aware of how everything is going to play out can take away some of its power.

Accept you’re going to be anxious some of the time

Everybody gets anxious sometimes. There are just things in life that are going to make us nervous. This is especially true if someone is just wired to be a little more high-strung. Even someone who’s become a black belt in coping with their nerves is occasionally going to have it get the best of them. We all have bad days, but that’s fine in the long run if they’re spread between lots of better ones.

Sometimes people can start thinking that they have to find a way to never be anxious again. They can get stuck because they believe they have to totally eliminate their nerves before they can get back to their lives. That’s never going to happen though. It’s just a part of life that sometimes we’re going to feel negative emotions. This seems obvious, but sometimes it’s easy to forget, especially since some self-help writing sends an implicit message that it’s an attainable goal to get to a place where you feel happy constantly.

Realize that anxiety is uncomfortable but harmless

One reason anxiety is such a problem for some people is that they (understandably) develop the attitude that their anxiety is horrible and intolerable and they must do everything they can to avoid feeling that way. As soon as it starts to pop up they go into high alert and have an automatic response of wanting to escape and get rid of it.

They can change their relationship to their anxiety if they start to see that while it’s uncomfortable, it won’t kill them, and they don’t necessarily have to flee whenever it appears. Learning to let anxiety be present is important to some other steps to overcoming it.

Realize you can be anxious and still function or enjoy something

Sometimes people start to look at their anxiety in Either-Or terms. Either they’re not nervous about something at all, and they can go ahead, or it makes them nervous and they have to take a pass, or somehow make themselves become completely anxiety-free before they can do it. Many things are worth doing even with some jitters. The benefits outweigh the discomfort.

When looking back at an event after the fact, how anxious you were at the time becomes even less important. For example, someone may go to a concert even though they don’t like crowds. Five years later when they’re remembering it, they’re probably going to be thinking, “I’m so glad I saw that band before they broke up!”, not “I felt a little shaky and nervous at times. I totally should have stayed home.”

Realize it’s just okay to feel anxious

Feeling anxious doesn’t mean you’re weak because you’re cowardly and you can’t control your emotions. It’s okay to be nervous about certain things. We all get that way at times. If you’re starting a new job the next week and you’re anxious about it, that’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with you for feeling jittery, even though you logically know there isn’t anything to be scared of. Give yourself permission to be afraid. Having this attitude means embracing a contradiction; Anxiety is obviously better if it isn’t around, but if it does appear, that’s totally acceptable as well.

Figure out what is important to you in life and go after it regardless of your anxiety

This is one of the central concepts of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Take the time to clarify what your goals and values are and then commit to living them out. You don’t put your life on hold waiting for your anxiety to go away, because that will never happen. You accept it will always be there to a degree, but you do what’s important to you anyways. Like the point above mentioned, if you’re pursuing something you really care about then any nervousness that comes up along the way will be worth it.

Someone might decide that it’s important to them to increase their social circle. Maybe they also decided one of their values was trying new things. If they get an invitation to go rock climbing with some new people at work, and the thought of it makes them nervous, it’ll be easy for them to accept anyways because they can see how it aligns with what they want out of life. Or say someone has to give a speech to help raise money for a charity. They may not be crazy about public speaking, but they’ll do it because it fits with their value of helping other people. The anxiety might still come up, but it’s put in a totally different context.

Maybe you’ve met an anxious person who seems to follow this philosophy. They come across as fairly anxious in general, but they get by in life. They may even seem oddly comfortable with the fact that they look nervous sometimes, or that they may trip over their words around new people. I’ve even known people to casually tell their friends about how they get so nervous sometimes that they have to throw up, but they just go to the bathroom, do it, and then get back to whatever it is they were doing.

Get to the point where you don’t care if you show any anxious symptoms

This is easier said than done, but it can be very freeing and soothing if you can get to this place. Anxiety can have such a powerful hold on us because we’re afraid of the consequences of experiencing some of its symptoms. Someone may avoid meeting new people because they’re afraid of trembling in front of them. Another person may not take the subway because they’re worried about what might happen if they get nauseous between stops.

It can take a lot of that influence away if someone just says to themselves, “You know what? If I look nervous in front of people, I look nervous. If I turn red while talking to someone it’s not the worst thing ever, if I seem comfortable with myself otherwise. If I’m out at a dinner, and I get so worked up that I lose my appetite and people comment on why I’m not eating, that’s fine. I’ll manage. I’m going to do what I want to do anyways. I’m not going to let my anxiety dictate my life and hold these things over me.” Of course, if you can start to think like this, where you don’t care about the consequences of your anxiety, you’ll often be less likely to feel anxious in the first place.

Be okay with telling people you’re anxious

Another point, similar to the one above, is that it can help to get to a place where you’re comfortable telling people you’re anxious at that moment, or have a problem with anxiety in general. It takes away one more thing anxiety can hold over you, the belief that you can’t ever let anyone find out you’re feeling that way. Anxiety is universal, and pretty much everyone can relate and won’t judge you for it. Yeah, you probably don’t want to tell everyone the whole saga of your nervousness within five seconds of meeting them, but just knowing you don’t have to keep anything a secret can be a relief.

Most anxious symptoms aren’t as obvious as it feels they are

This point seems to contradict the ones above it in a way. I just said not to worry about showing symptoms, but now I’m explaining how many symptoms aren’t even that noticeable? Doesn’t that seem to play into the idea that people should be concerned about everyone picking up on their nervousness? I guess it is a bit of a contradiction, but sometimes I think it’s fine to hold two conflicting ideas in our minds at once.

Like I was saying, many people let their anxiety control them because they’re worried about appearing visibly jittery. Most symptoms of anxiety aren’t as apparent as it seems they are from the inside. Even when someone is extremely panicky, it often doesn’t look all that special to an observer. Just knowing this can take away even more of anxiety’s power.

Learn when to listen to your anxiety and when not to take it seriously

Anxiety isn’t all bad. It warns of dangers we should attend to. A smidgen of anxiety about a school assignment can get us started on it, when we’d otherwise put it off until the last second. Nervousness about a debt we have to pay off reminds us of the importance of not ignoring it, and that we shouldn’t frivolously spend our money. We all know anxiety can be very irrational as well. Our fears can be greatly exaggerated and unrealistic. We can find ourselves worrying about things that are extremely unlikely to happen.

It’s important to balance your reaction to your anxiety between these two ideas. On one hand, a lot of the things our anxiety tells us are totally unrealistic and exaggerated and can be brushed aside. These thoughts are the anxiety speaking, not the ‘real you’. If you want to take a stroll around your block and your nervousness tells you, “A meteor may hit you”, that’s something you need to dismiss.

Sometimes your anxiety is trying to tell you something legitimate, even if the way it’s presenting those concerns is a bit over the top. In these cases trying to make the nervousness go away may not work as well. This sounds a little odd, but here it can help to actually listen to your anxiety and acknowledge that you’ve really heard it and considered what it has to say. The way I picture it is that a part of your mind knows something is a legitimate concern. It sends your anxiety as a courier to relay that message to you. If you keep trying to push the anxiety away, that part of your mind will continue trying to deliver the information. When it’s satisfied you’ve actually heard what it has to say, it will breathe easy and leave you alone.

For example, say you’re nervous because you need to find a job. If every time you start to feel anxious you try to make the feelings go away, they may keep coming back. If you take a minute to listen to what your anxiety is telling you, and then go, “Yeah, I do need to look for a job soon. I’ll get on it. Thanks for the message” you may find it stops coming back. The important thing is that you truly consider the message and intend to act on it. In a sense you ‘solved’ the issue you were anxious about, so the emotion has no reason to linger. You didn’t literally fix anything, but sometimes just intending to get started is the same. Sure, this tip won’t magically work every time, but it can help in some cases.

Follow the ‘process’

When we’re anxious it’s sometimes because we’re worried about something that may happen in the future. For certain situations you may be able to calm your nerves by reminding yourself you’ll follow the ‘process’. What I mean is that for things like looking for a job, there’s an ideal process you go through. You update your resume, you apply for different positions, you reach out to your contacts, maybe even see an employment counselor, and generally try your best to find work. If you don’t find anything, the process has additional steps you can go through, like asking your parents for a loan, selling some of your stuff, applying for unemployment, or moving back home while you wait for the job market to get better. The process is designed in a way that if you follow it you’ll probably be okay.

There are similar processes for other situations like applying to universities, navigating a troubled relationship, or creating a social circle. You can reduce your worries by telling yourself, “There’s no point in fretting about what might or might not happen. I’ll just follow the ‘process’, handle each phase as it comes, and that should see me through.” You’re going to be doing the right actions, so you can take your thoughts out of the equation.

The defiant attitude vs. the calm, accepting attitude

For many of the attitudes mentioned above, you could take two approaches to applying them. Both seem to work in their own way. As I love to say, you could always use a mix of both. One way would be to take a tough, defiant stand towards your anxiety; “Oh, I’m starting to feel pukey before meeting my friends? I don’t care. I’m not letting my nerves push me around any longer. I’ll throw up in front of everyone if I have to, but I’m standing my ground and not avoiding my fears any longer!” This can be a very good way to motivate yourself, but some people might say the whole struggling and fighting thing is unnecessary.

The other route would be to take on a more Zen mindset. You calmly roll with whatever your anxiety dishes out, all without straying from following your values. If your anxiety interferes with your life you accept that and don’t expect everything to work out perfectly all the time. You have a positive, understanding view of your nervousness; It’s just trying to help, but it goes overboard sometimes and it nothing personal.

As written on Succeed Socially

Deal with What You are Going To Do

Swim through the weeds of all the things that are bothering you and look forward

Swim through the weeds of all the things that are bothering you and look forward

Finding Goodness

Find the Goodness in Return

Finding Goodness

If you have been disappointed, take heart. For you are also in a great place from which to start.

When you’ve made the effort and failed to get the desired result, see it as the blessing it is.
You have just discovered what doesn’t work and that will help you figure out what does work.

When people are critical of you, sincerely thank them.
They have just given you a valuable perspective which can help you to become even more effective.

In the moments when frustration comes, feel the intense energy that comes with it.
Transform that energy into determination, and make it a powerful, positive force.

Even when there are good reasons to feel sorry for yourself, don’t.
Those very same reasons can be reasons to move forward with more commitment than ever before.

Whatever life may give you, choose to give goodness in return.
And nothing will be able to hold you back from the sweet fulfillment you deserve.

Ralph Marston – The Daily Motivator

related articles

6 Steps to Finding the Good in Your Life

Finding Goodness Rose

Dealing with Rejection

Rejection is hard for me.

It’s 1 of the 4 things to stop worrying about in the recent post.

It’s something I need to be better at dealing with — be able to take rejection and not crumble to the ground and let it wipe away my self esteem.
Most of us face rejection but it’s especially tough when you’re at an inflection point in your life like getting a job or into the school you want.

I’ve been dealing with rejection recently and the most recent episode just shattered me.
It made me feel so small and the person made me feel so bad about myself.
I think he took pleasure in putting me down.

Why Won't You Give Me a Chance??? -- The question that is often repeated in my head when I get rejected

Why Won’t You Give Me a Chance??? — The question that is often repeated in my head when I get rejected

Part of dealing with rejection is psychology.
As in my situation, if someone is making you feel bad about yourself, then it’s clear you’re dealing with a bad, negative person.
In which case, their opinion and words about you shouldn’t matter.
So, you clearly shouldn’t let it get to you and feel worthless, which is precise what the evil person is trying to do.

That’s certainly easy to say.

If you are human, despite the above being logical, the words and actions of that mean person is bound to sting.
You just have to keep repeating to yourself that they are mean people and therefore their opinion is unimportant.

More generally, the tough part is getting over every no you receive.

No, we don’t want to hire you. No you’re not a good fit for this opportunity.
No, I don’t want to go out with you. No, I don’t want to be in a relationship with you.
No, no, no, no, no.

Rejection2

It’ll hurt. Again it’s a mind game.
No from one person, means you can move on to another opportunity.
And if you keep trying, you’ll eventually get to yes.
That is true. It’s recently taken me many Nos to finally get to a yes.
It is hard to believe it or see it when you are facing rejection and all you’re hearing is no.
But keeping trying and you’ll find a yes.
It’s easy to lose hope and get disheartened. I certainly have been there.
I understand how difficult it is to keep going sometimes.

Some days, I would feel hopeless but I would force myself to do something.
I believe and remember Woody Allen’s quote “80% of success is showing up.”
So even when I feel terrible, I show up.
I keep knocking on doors, keep going out there to meet people because you never know which is the one situation you’ll meet someone who WILL appreciate you.

Every now and then, I had a good friend who would pull me up and remind me of all the good things I’d accomplish.
There are only a few of them and they are all living far away.
I wish my good friends lived close to me so I could see them more often.

When you’re faced with rejection, even if it’s continuous rejection,
Don’t let rejection or someone knock you down.
Find those handful of amazing friends who will lift you up and support you.

Keep going!

***

Rejection Snoopy

Related articles

4 Things to Stop Worrying About & Stop Driving Yourself Crazy

As a writer, I’m a thinker by nature. I need to think about what topics to delve into and how to best express them. But sometimes, thinking can get me into trouble.

Maybe you can relate.

Often, our thinking goes into overdrive and turns into fixating. And we end up spending (or should I say “wasting”?) a lot of time ruminating on things that don’t matter, things that keep us worried and distracted from reaching our goals.

Here are four things you can stop worrying about — forever:

1. People who are doing better than you

We’ve all been there.

“What — THAT book is a bestseller? The plot is terrible and the writing is filled with grammatical errors!”

“My four-year-old could have come up with that!”

“I had that same idea last year. They just got lucky.”

Really, this reaction is more about us than it is about them. We could have done better if only we’d actually written that novel or pitched the idea.

But where the successful person took action, we stalled.

Action trumps perfection. Stop thinking about all the worse-than-you writers and entrepenrus who are making it big and instead, use them as motivation.

After all, if they can land that awesome assignment or end up on the bestsellers list even with all their flaws, you can do it, too. If you only forget perfection and take action.

2. The competition

It’s a bad idea to share your ideas and contacts in such a competitive market. After all, there’s only so much to go around, right?

Wrong.

In my 16-year career as a freelance writer, I’ve discovered there are more than enough opportunities for everyone.

And the more I helped out writers who wanted to brainstorm ideas or know how to contact the nutrition editor at Health magazine, the more other writers shared information and opportunities with me.

In fact, I can calculate at least $50,000 of work over the years that came from networking not with editors or agents, but with other writers who passed my name along to people needing writing.

Wall yourself off from other writers because they’re your “competition” and the universe will wall you off from writing opportunities. Instead, consider other writers your friends and colleagues, and share, share, share.

Worrying Doesn't Solve Anything, It just Tires you Out. So does Comparing yourself to others

Worrying Doesn’t Solve Anything, It just Tires you Out. So does Comparing yourself to others

3. What the market wants

The surest way to lose your unique style and quash your brilliant ideas is to become obsessed with figuring out what the market wants.

Often, the market doesn’t even know what it wants until it gets it. How could it?

Of course, you want to create something others will like, but don’t lose your voice trying to conform to what you imagine will appeal to the largest demographic.

Maybe you’ll start a trend instead of following one.

4. Rejection

A “no” from a gatekeeper can bring on obsessive thoughts in any person’s mind:

  • What’s wrong with my work?
  • What’s wrong with ME?
  • Maybe I should just quit.

The people who succeed in this world are the ones who can blast past rejection.

After all, this is a numbers game. What would have happened if JK Rowling hadn’t racked up all those rejections for the Harry Potter series, or Steve Jobs had never returned to Apple after being fired from the company he started?

Rejection isn’t about you. It isn’t even about your work. It’s a sign that what you have isn’t exactly what the permission-givers need right now.

I got 500 rejections from magazine editors — at least — and still made a great living writing mainly for magazines. For me, each “no” was a stepping stone to the next “yes.”

Maybe the same can be true for you… if you can let go of what your friends are doing, what the world wants, and what the critics think — and just persevere.

Post by Linda Formichelli, who blogs at The Renegade Writer.

 

My Horrible Day…

Yesterday was a terrible day. HORRIBLE.

Is the proximity of the moon to earth making people mean and fragile?
I don’t know
The Bloggess has her view on this

I started yesterday full of hope.

I was in line to win a project and was scheduled to meet with a two senior people overseeing the project.
I’ve stayed up nights to do extra reading to be as well prepared as I could be.

My first meeting went well enough.
The second meeting very quickly down the tube.

The Director pretty much shot done all my experience and said it didn’t count.
In the end, he said he wasn’t going to recommend me for the project.

I am not good at arguing with people and someone else would probably have done a much better job of refuting him.
I didn’t. I looked at him and just tried to keep my calm and not cry.

The guy trampled and trashed all my experience and made me feel like crap, that I was worthless because my recent experience wasn’t what he demanded based on his specific criteria.

Sitting on his high horse, with his big title and pay check, he just went on say I couldn’t execute the project on the same level of expertise as the rest of the team.
He failed to realize how difficult and it challenging it was for me to work on a project basis.
Could he do it instead? Get up every day and go out and pitch himself to get projects to work on?
Hear no no no no no the entire day and weeks on end but continue to persevere to look out for projects?
He didn’t bother 1 bit to recognize the qualities it takes to do that and give me credit for me.
He just shot me down, labelled my experience lacking, and trampled all over me.

It was SO EASY for him to flick me off like a pesky fly.
What was an easy, thoughtless, simple decision to slam the door in my face meant a drastic loss of opportunity for me.

This is the part that kills me.
It is that flick of a moment that changes the course of your life.

I was SO close to getting the project.

If not for him, I would have had a decent to good shot at getting the project.
But in his one moment of whim, he slammed close the door and as a result it is a huge loss to me.
I was passionate about the project, it is something I really want to do and can do.
It would have been an incredibly journey to work on it.

And, he’s taken that away from me and made me feel like crap.
Everyday he wakes up. He goes to his office and sits there knowing he will get a big fat paycheck at the end of the month.
Every week, I have to go out and look for people I can pitch to, try to get projects to work on.
I never know how much I will make in a month or whether it will be an empty month.

I’ve been crying since yesterday evening, into the night, and this morning when I woke up.
I went to sleep shivering from the pain of my misery.

I wanted to stop trying. Why bother to try and achieve my ambitions to be told my experience and work means nothing.
I should just go back to a simple job, be a waitress or a cashier. Forget my work goals.

someone puts you down , they have a problem, not you

I didn’t feel like doing anything but I had a girlfriend I hadn’t seen in a long time who was in town.
I felt like crap but I wanted to see her.
I just hoped I wouldn’t burst into tears.

We sat. We talked. I told her I was upset, and possibly emotionally unstable.
She listened and helped me see the other angle.

The logical side of me knew I shouldn’t let this guy pull me down and make me feel so bad about myself and my accomplishments.
But his judgement cut so deep.

This is what great friends do. They support you.
Today, my girlfriend saved the day and helped pick me up while I crumbled.
My girlfriend told me to look at all the things I had accomplished in a variety of areas.
So the guy refused to recognize it. So what? The fact was I had achieved so many things
She told me to believe in myself.

I told her about a project I’ve been working on.
She told me to stop downplaying it and be proud of it.
Instead of saying it’s just a small project, own it and say I’m spreading the message for this organization as their spokesperson.

I don’t think she quite realized how badly and deeply I was hurting.
Because of course, I downplayed that too.
I hadn’t seen her in over a year and I was more excited to see her and didn’t want to dampen our meetup.

At this point, as I’m trying to type it out, I’ve forgotten most of what she said.
She made me feel better by helping me to recognize my talents and accomplishments.
She saved the day and gave me hope that I could work through it.
She probably won’t see this but I’m so thankful for her, her friendship and support.

I’m still hurting, but I’m feeling a little better.
Maybe I’ll be fine tomorrow.

What’s the moral of the story here?

1. Do not let them get to you (yeah, self, please take note…). Do not let them destroy you.
There are many mean bullies who will take advantage of their superior position to put you down.
Do you really want to let some bully you will not have anything to do with stop you from your progress? NO.

someone puts you down, it's their opinion. It's not a fact.

2. Reframe. Remind yourself of what you’ve accomplished, how far you have gotten.
Someone doesn’t recognize your value, but another person will.

Most of all, you must recognize your own value.
You need to believe in yourself to continue your journey to reach your goal.
How else can you convince someone else in your ability?

3. Have amazing friends who will support you through the tough times.
I’ve learned this the hard way.
I’ve struggled a lot recently and some friends I thought would be there for me turned out to be a great disappointment.
When you are walking in the dark, you’ll find out who will be there to help you, encourage you, and support you.
The ones who will help you see yourself in a positive light instead of making you feel worse than you feel.
I’m so thankful for the few friends who have helped and support me. They will probably not read this.
But I’m so glad they are in my life and I’m so thankful for them.

Good Friends support and encourage each other

When you are going through a rough patch, You’ll find out who are your friends — the people who will support you and encourage you

Has someone put you down or marginalized your contribution at work?
Share what did you do and how you got over the pain?

Today’s Something Good I’m Thankful For

I previously posted about how there’s something good in every day.
Especially when it’s one of those bad days,
it’s all the more important to find just 1 good thing to be thankful for.

I like to remind myself of this Especially on a rough day. Look for the good and smile. You will get through it!

I like to remind myself of this
Especially on a rough day. Look for the good and smile.
You will get through it!

I’ve been stressed recently as I mentioned because of a project I’m discussing about.

Since I wrote that post, I’ve been walking around for the past few days with this immense pressure and stress over my head because of the absurdly high demands placed on the project.

The requirements are so crazy high, it feels unreasonable.
It’s one of those situations I hate. I feel people are putting up an absurdly high bar that can’t be reached.

I decided to reach out to 2 friends about it.
And they both took the time to talk to me about it, think about it and offer their thoughts, philosophy & perspective.

The underlying issue still exists, but on these days, boy
I’m sure SO THANKFUL for my friends who will take the time and effort from their day to talk to me and comfort me.

This is when you know you have good friends. I’m so thankful for them.  ❤

So that’s my 1 good thing I’m thankful for.

In the meanwhile, I need to work on handling the pressure and stress so it doesn’t affect me this much.

Not easy but I’m working on it.

This is what my friend told me & I’ll try to keep it in mind
— Eat the anxiety & worry, don’t let it eat me. Run after it and tell it to go away

How’s your day going? What’s your 1 good thing today?

good friends take time to listen to you

Good Friends Make Life Brighter!

Stress Relief Tip: Don’t Think the Worse of a Situation, It Often Works Out

I’ve been nervous for the past few hours.
I don’t know if it’s because it’s 9/11 and thus sub-consciously, I’m more alert, anxious, nervous.
Who can forget the day. It’s clear as day in my mind.
I don’t want to see any movies about it.

So maybe it’s because I’m a little more on edge.
Today, like most of my days, everything takes way too long to get done.

Or maybe I’m just inefficient or a worry wort and worry my tasks to the ground.
(Unfortunately you can’t worry tasks or anything away. If that were the case, worrying would actually be productive!)

I needed to tell someone they reversed the scheduling on one of my jobs.
I’ve been putting off emailing them as I’m afraid how they will react.
I keep worrying the Operations Admin woman  might get all irritated and upset with me and blame it on me when I’ve in fact told her about this scheduling mix up 2 months ago.

In psychology, they call this Fatalistic Thinking.
Thinking the worse of a situation and snowballing the situation in your head.

Worrying-is-like-praying-for-what-you-dont-want

So many hours later, after much worry and angst, I emailed both the Operations Admin and my colleague informing them of the mix up and for my colleague to confirm she can work on the day we discussed.

I’ve been agonizing about it.
I finally dug up the courage to check my email.
My colleague replied she could work that day as I had discussed with her.
I had a sigh of relief when I saw that and my stress levels went down.
I haven’t heard back from the Operations Admin but I feel this will limit any angry yelling from her since the schedule is all sorted out.
Phew.

It wasn’t as bad as I thought!
The moral of the story: Thinking the worst of a situation only stresses yourself up for nothing. Don’t over-worry about the other person’s reaction,
especially if it’s something you’ve taken care of previously.
We often think the worse of a situation, when it usually turns out fine with much less drama than we imagine!

Now I need all of you to remind me weekly of this very good piece of advice

Let's worry less & enjoy the moments more!

Let’s worry less & enjoy the moments more!

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