Sparkling

love

This tag is associated with 8 posts

Drown Fear

Whatever fears you having right now, drown your fear and speedboat yourself to make things better.

Whether it’s financial fears, job fears, relationship fears, family fears, think of how you can take tiny steps and 1 – 2 things to make the situation better and go do it. Start small with tiny steps and keep going and things will improve!

If it helps, share what your fears are in the comments below, what are 1 – 2 things you can do to make it better. After you have done the 1-2 things, come share how it felt.

DROWN your FEARS! Let’s do this together!!

Drown Fear!

Drown Fear!

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I Wanted to Kiss You Goodnight

Kiss you goodnight

Who He Chose…

It was meant to a relaxing, laid back afternoon,
enjoying coffee and sinful chocolate cake with a friend.

I walked into the tiny cafe looking for some seats.

Walking along the long wooden table, I felt punched by the walls and probably froze for a few seconds.
Right in front, I saw the guy I was crazy about.
With a girl.
and his arms around her.

I was completely caught off guard. I was not prepared to meet him.
I hadn’t heard from him in awhile and I had guessed he had met someone.
But there’s nothing like being smashed in the face with the visual of the guy you’ve been liking for over a year standing with his girlfriend.
His arms around her when you want it to be you his arms are around.

I turned around and walked out of the cafe slowly, hoping no one, including him, would notice.
Wishing I could fade into the walls, sink into the wooden floor boards and disappear.
Wishing I never walked into that cafe to see him with his new girlfriend.

Once out the door, I walked in a daze towards the small garden patch next to the cafe.
The friend I was meeting was walking to the cafe and I had to quickly revert to my smiley disposition.
A friend confirmed my sighting when she heard I’d seen him
“Oh yes! he’s got a girlfriend! It’s pretty new!”
I kept very silent and put on a poker face the entire time.

For the first few hours, I must have still been in shock and I didn’t feel much.

As the hours have worn on, the questions have surfaced and are playing on repeat in my mind.
The hurt and pain is surfacing. I’ve cried a few times.

As I cried in the shower, I yelled at myself silently: I blame myself partly.
I just screwed up a possible shot at a relationship with someone who has a lot in common.
If I wasn’t so cautious when I first met him and I showed my interest more clearly, it could be me by his side now.
Now I’ve lost a chance to find out if we are compatible, if we can have a life together.
It’s gone.

And I’m reeling in the pain and hurt that he chose someone else over me.
I just wanted us to share our common interests together, learn about other areas together and each other’s perspective, enjoy the simple things in life of reading together on a sofa, admire the view from the mountain, savor the fragrant tea.

He is the only one I’ve met who I’ve wanted to cook for and recreate his favorite childhood dish he misses. I would have experimented countless times to recreate the dish for him since the family recipe has been lost.

 

I admire him and love his creativity, his understated, quiet sense of humor, his brilliance.
I like him for who he is — not what he’s achieved or what he offers me.
I like him for him.

I’d so wish we could have pursued our interests together, side by side.
I wanted to edge him on and support him and encourage him to embark on his long time dream.

I wanted to have a shot at finding out if we were compatible together,
if we could have a life together.
I believe we could.

I just wanted for us to enjoy the things we had in common and incorporate the differences,
to cheer him on in his efforts, support him when things were down,
stand on his side always, love and laugh together,
make him happy, and be happy together.

 

Where we both feel our lives are better because we are together:
The bad days are more bearable because we have enough other,
The joys in life are more joyous because we celebrate together.
If he fell sick, I’d look after him and stay with him to lift his spirits.
I just wanted to share our life, have a fuller life, and be happier together because we had each other.
My love is sincere and genuine and that’s all I want.

I don’t know why he lost interest. Was it something I said or did?
I don’t know why he doesn’t appreciate my sincerity and everything I have to offer.
Honestly, how many people would love you for you and not because you have something to offer them?

But he chose someone else.
I’m crushed I have to admit. Completely crushed.
I shouldn’t be taking it this hard.
After all it was just a guy I had been going out with that didn’t work.
I shouldn’t be in tears or feeling this piercing pain throughout my body.

But the pain is there and it hurts like hell.
I need it to go away and I can’t bear living with this pain.
I don’t know why and what went wrong and I know I won’t get any answers.

I have a lot of love and affection for him.
I swear there was chemistry between us and there’s an attraction.
I wish we had a shot at life together.

For now, I need this pain to go away and accept I’ve lost a shot with someone I care deeply for.
I hate being collateral damage but this is life.
In life, sometimes you end up with a losing streak.
Until things improve….

Please share how you got through the pain and hurt when a person you loved chose to be with someone else.lost-love-poems2

Finding Goodness

Find the Goodness in Return

Finding Goodness

If you have been disappointed, take heart. For you are also in a great place from which to start.

When you’ve made the effort and failed to get the desired result, see it as the blessing it is.
You have just discovered what doesn’t work and that will help you figure out what does work.

When people are critical of you, sincerely thank them.
They have just given you a valuable perspective which can help you to become even more effective.

In the moments when frustration comes, feel the intense energy that comes with it.
Transform that energy into determination, and make it a powerful, positive force.

Even when there are good reasons to feel sorry for yourself, don’t.
Those very same reasons can be reasons to move forward with more commitment than ever before.

Whatever life may give you, choose to give goodness in return.
And nothing will be able to hold you back from the sweet fulfillment you deserve.

Ralph Marston – The Daily Motivator

related articles

6 Steps to Finding the Good in Your Life

Finding Goodness Rose

Remember, You’re Never Alone

I’ve had days, weeks or periods where I’ve been miserable where I felt everything was going wrong

You might know the frustration: some days, I’d wake up and nothing would go right the whole day!
When my coffee machine broke down on an already crappy day,
I felt nothing in my favor. Not even the simplest thing!

Even worse, I often feel completely alone during these crappy times
as I battle and fight to stay afloat with the problems I’m struggling with.

Whenever you’re having a crappy day or week or maybe you’re in a down patch in life right now.
Know that you are not alone.

Jenny started a very simple post that asked, “If you could wish for anything, what would you wish for?”
A very simple question.  I thought people would ask for more money, a big house, a nice dress etc.

Instead, most readers opened their souls and the responses were much deeper.
Many asked for better health, to be happier, to be rid of their demons, for their dreams to be fulfilled, for their debts to be cleared.

Reading through the things everyone wished for, I could tell enough about their struggles.
Many of which are health, happiness, unemployment, financial woes.

As I read through their struggles, I recognized in theirs, my own struggles and problems.
The ones that made me feel so isolated and down.

Through this, I somehow felt connected to everyone else who posted. In fact, many of us felt connected.
I didn’t feel alone: there were all these other people with the same problems I had.
It wasn’t just ME. The problem wasn’t ME.

So if you’re having a crappy day or dealing with issues and you feel isolated, know that you are not alone.
There are many of us out there with similar problems.

The beauty of the internet is it allows us to connect to others: To know we are not alone in our struggles,
to find support and love from others even if they are a thousand miles away,
so we can get through the gloom and see the sun.

So, let’s share.    What would you wish for?

Skeptical Hope

Hollywood is great at making series/movies that for attracts us for different reasons.

Sometimes, I stay glued to the TV because what I’m watching gives me hope.
Hope — that love is just around the corner, that life will get better, that things will work out (it usually does in Hollywood). As I’m writing this, it seems ironic to say Hollywood makes shows that give us hope. because it’s usually associated with fake,  false, and staged.

I was watching an episode of Enlightened (HBO) and I sat there continuing to watch it cos it gave me hope and IDEAS.  It put the idea in my head of “Hmm maybe i should just call a guy and tell him I want to see him. Maybe that’ll make everything easier!” Yeah sure.

Let me give you an example of the hope Hollywood gave me vs. reality.

Hollywood Version

Amy: I was thinking of you and I miss you. How about coming over tonight?

Guy: Uhrm coming over? to your side? Uhrm, Ok sure, how about I come about 6 and pick you up for dinner?

Real Life

Me: hey I was thinking of you… How about meeting up sometime this week?

Guy: uhrm, i’m not free bye. (proceeds to run away)
I’d like to emphasize this actually happened. I did that before I watched this episode. So even though i was slapped in the face by the guy, this episode made me feel like I should somehow crazily do it again.

Hollywood Version

Amy: It’s so good to see you

Guy: It’s so good to see you too.

Real Life

Me: It’s so good to see you
Guy: Uhm ok. I gotta go (runs away)
Me: But you just got here…
Guy: (Speeds up and runs faster)

You get the idea.

So yes. While I was watching the episode, it was somehow moving. And that’s NOT the word most people would use to describe Enlightened. If I had to describe it I’d use words like “strange, awkward, trainwreck”. So just to be clear, it’s not some heart warming series.

But yeah it felt good watching that exchange.
Clearly, the effect is short lived since I’m sitting here writing (skeptically) about how badly the real life version would turn out. =P

But hope is wonderful. It’s great. Until it comes crashing down. Like a sugar high.
The solution? Drink more hope, eat more sugar. Don’t ever crash. Keep the high going.

Stay High, Keep Eating Sugar

Stay High, Keep Eating Sugar

WHY didn’t you return my call?!?!? in 1,615 words… after the first date…

I wouldn’t be seriously involved with a woman if she didn’t like classical music.”

I see. It makes me raise my eyebrows. That’s a make or break criteria? REally?

I won’t say much and let you read and *enjoy* this spiel of affection… and awkwardness…
=) Tell me what you think … and we can have a conversation =)

Here goes:

Hi Lauren,

I’m disappointed in you. I’m disappointed that I haven’t gotten a response to my voicemail and text messages.
FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication. After all, people can’t see someone’s body language or tone of voice in an email. I’m not trying to be harsh, patronizing, or insulting in this email. I’m honest and direct by nature, and I’m going to be that way in this email. By the way, I did a google search, so that’s how I came across your email.

I assume that you no longer want to go out with me. (If you do want to go out with me, then you should let me know.) I suggest that you make a sincere apology to me for giving me mixed signals. I feel led on by you.

Things that happened during our date include, but are not limited to, the following:

-You played with your hair a lot. A woman playing with her hair is a common sign of flirtation. You can even do a google search on it. When a woman plays with her hair, she is preening. I’ve never had a date where a woman played with her hair as much as you did. In addition, it didn’t look like you were playing with your hair out of nervousness.

-We had lots of eye contact during our date. On a per-minute basis, I’ve never had as much eye contact during a date as I did with you.

-You said, “It was nice to meet you.” at the end of our date. A woman could say this statement as a way to show that she isn’t interested in seeing a man again or she could mean what she said–that it was nice to meet you. The statement, by itself, is inconclusive.

-We had a nice conversation over dinner. I don’t think I’m being delusional in saying this statement.

In my opinion, leading someone on (i.e., giving mixed signals) is impolite and immature. It’s bad to do that.
Normally, I would not be asking for information if a woman and I don’t go out again after a first date. However, in our case, I’m curious because I think our date went well and that there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship. Of course, it’s difficult to predict what would happen, but I think there is a lot of potential for a serious relationship developing between us one day (or least there was before your non-response to my voicemail and text messages).

I think we should go out on a second date. In my opinion, our first date was good enough to lead to a second date.
Why am I writing you? Well, hopefully, we will go out again. Even if we don’t, I gain utility from expressing my thoughts to you. In addition, even if you don’t want to go out again, I would like to get feedback as to why you wouldn’t want to go again. Normally, I wouldn’t ask a woman for this type of feedback after a first date, but this is an exception given I think we have a lot of potential.

If you don’t want to go again, then apparently you didn’t think our first date was good enough to lead to a second date. Dating or a relationship is not a Hollywood movie. It’s good to keep that in mind. In general, I thought the date went well and was expecting that we would go out on a second date.

If you’re not interested in going out again, then I would have preferred if you hadn’t given those mixed signals. I feel led on. We have a number of things in common. I’ll name a few things: First, we’ve both very intelligent. Second, we both like classical music so much that we go to classical music performances by ourselves. In fact, the number one interest that I would want to have in common with a woman with whom I’m in a relationship is a liking of classical music. I wouldn’t be seriously involved with a woman if she didn’t like classical music. You said that you’re planning to go the NY Philharmonic more often in the future.

As I said, I go to the NY Philharmonic often. You’re very busy. It would be very convenient for you to date me because we have the same interests. We already go to classical music performances by ourselves. If we go to classical music performances together, it wouldn’t take any significant additional time on your part. According to the internet, you’re 33 or 32, so, at least from my point of view, we’re a good match in terms of age. I could name more things that we have in common, but I’ll stop here. I don’t understand why you apparently don’t want to go out with me again. We have numerous things in common. I assume that you find me physically attractive. If you didn’t find me physically attractive, then it would have been irrational for you to go out with me in the first place. After all, our first date was not a blind date. You already knew what I looked like before our date. Perhaps, you’re unimpressed that I manage my family’s investments and my own investments. Perhaps, you don’t think I have a “real” job. Well, I’ve done very well as an investment manager. I’ve made my parents several millions of dollars.

That’s real money. That’s not monopoly money. In my opinion, if I make real money, it’s a real job. Donald Trump’s children work for his company. Do they have “real” jobs? I think so. George Soros’s sons help manage their family investments. Do they have “real” jobs? I think so. In addition, I’m both a right-brain and left-brain man, given that I’m both an investment manager and a philosopher/writer. That’s a unique characteristic; most people aren’t like that. I’ve never been as disappointed and sad about having difficulty about getting a second date as I am with you. I’ve gone out with a lot of women in my life. (FYI, I’m not a serial dater. Sometimes, I’ve only gone out with a woman for one date.) People don’t grow on trees. I hope you appreciate the potential we have.

Am I sensitive person? Sure, I am. I think it’s better to be sensitive than to be insensitive. There are too many impolite, insensitive people in the world.

I suggest that we continue to go out and see what happens. Needless to say, I find you less appealing now (given that you haven’t returned my messages) than I did at our first date. However, I would be willing to go out with you again. I’m open minded and flexible and am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I wish you would give me the benefit of the doubt too. If you don’t want to go out again, in my opinion, you would be making a big mistake, perhaps one of the biggest mistakes in your life. If you don’t want to go out again, then you should have called to tell me so. Even sending a text message would have been better than nothing. In my opinion, not responding to my messages is impolite, immature, passive aggressive, and cowardly. I spent time, effort, and money meeting you for dinner. Getting back to me in response to my messages would have been a reasonable thing for you to do. In addition, you arrived about 30 minutes late for our date. I’m sure you wouldn’t like it if a man showed up thirty minutes late for a first date with you.

If you’re concerned that you will hurt my feelings by providing specific information about why you don’t want to go with me again, well, my feeling are already hurt. I’m sad and disappointed about this situation. If you give information, at least I can understand the situation better. I might even learn something that is beneficial.

If you don’t want to go out again, that I request that you call me and make a sincere apology for leading me on (i.e., giving me mixed signals). In my opinion, you shouldn’t act that way toward a man and then not go out with him again. It’s bad to play with your hair so much and make so much eye contact if you’re not interested in going out with me again. I have tried to write this email well, but it’s not perfect. Again, I’m not trying to be harsh, insulting, patronizing, etc. I’m disappointed, sad, etc. I would like to talk to you on the phone. I hope you will call me back at xxx-xxx-xxxx> (if it’s inconvenient for you to talk on the phone when you read this email, you can let me know via email that you are willing to talk on the phone and I’ll call you). If you get my voicemail, you can a leave a message and I can call you back. Even if you don’t want to go out again, I would appreciate it if you give me the courtesy of calling me and talking to me. Yes, you might say things that hurt me, but my feelings are already hurt. Sending me an email response (instead of talking on the phone) would better than no response at all, but I think it would be better to talk on the phone. Email communication has too much potential for misinterpretation, etc.

Best, Mike

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/07/investment-manager-embarrassing-email_n_1135279.html

When you’re totally crushed out and crushed…

Guy I like a lot posted a picture.

It looks like he’s at a wedding. Possibly his wedding?!?!
I do not know. But he’s looking into someone’s eyes. Dammit ARGH.
Ok,  by now, I gather you realize he’s not into me.

Yeah best advice ever to women out there. LISTEN.
If he’s not calling, if he’s not asking you out, if he’s not making plans with you —
HE’s just NOT into you.
Do I know that? Yeah sure, my brain does.
My heart is an entirely different matter. It’s got a mind of it’s own. ha ha. Not so funny really.

So what do I do? I should close the photo and move on.
But NOOOoooo. I download the photo and keep on looking at it, torturing myself unnecessarily with thoughts of “WHO’s he staring at? He’s definitely flirting with a female right?? Why not meeee? Is he proposing??? Is this his wedding?!?!”

Yeah, I really should stop looking at the photo and driving myself crazy. I really should stop thinking about him and throw him into exile. But I like him — even though I know he’s wrong for me.

I like him because we have so much in common, we enjoy the same things and we have a great time hanging out together (or maybe it’s only me that thinks that seeing how he has stopped calling).
I’m smart, sassy, pleasant enough to look at and I just do NOT understand why he’s not into me.

I often get hung up on that very question – why isn’t so and so into me? Why didn’t he want to be with me?
Not because I’m looking desperately to be with someone, in fact, I’d rather be single than be with the wrong person but there definitely have been guys that I’ve come across that I would have liked to spend more time with to figure out if there was something there that could have led to a relationship. I guess their silence decided there wasn’t.

I know I’ll never get answers to my questions of “whys”. And I need to accept it.

Accepting things and improving yourself and 2 things that take a lot of hard work. More on that some other time.
So when you are totally crushed out by a guy, do not torture yourself by looking at his photo that’s possibly taken at his wedding, or where’s flirting with some girl that’s not you incessantly.

When you are crushed, go seek some friends who will make you feel better. Get or do something that will make you feel better — like having your favorite cup of tea or coffee, exercising. Just do anything that will make you feel better.

Now if only I would listen to myself instead of staring and reading into his picture again …
ps: help! sos!

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