Sparkling

Inspirations & Reflections

This category contains 43 posts

If Only…

Do you have those “If only” moments?

I have plenty of those. If I could find a more stable job. If only I could have a reasonable boss. If I could just meet that right person. If only my supposed best friend didn’t throw me down the track as the oncoming train raced through. If I didn’t have to worry about family. If I could just win the lottery (any prize!) and have more financial security.

If only.

I’m sure you have yours too. Our concerns, our stressors, our worries are all valid.
We all have our own struggles.

I came across this and it warmed my heart.  I am thankful for all the blessings I have.
I hope this brings warmth to your heart too and we will all be happy and well.

https://www.facebook.com/brightside/videos/861895883939156/

Let me know if you liked this video and your “If Only” moments.

Hugs.

 

Living Life

In about 6 hours, the light will fade and the weekend to come to a close. I had mixed feelings as I fell asleep on Friday night hopeful I would get a whole list of things done over the weekend to catch up from the week. (everything takes longer than you think it does to get it done) Instead, I haven’t been productive this weekend and none of the to do list items have been worked on. I unconsciously took a break this weekend instead. Well, not exactly unconsciously but I was just tired and felt faint on Sat and decided not to push myself. Time seems to fly by as well. By the time I woke up, had lunch, ran errands, opened the mail, changed the bedding, and *BAM* it was 5pm on Saturday and most of the day, I planned on using to catch up on things, was gone.

I came across this quote and I’m going to work on adopting this attitude. If any of you are going through a difficult or challenging time in your time, I know how tough it is. There are some days you are scared to death, lost at the unkown, paralyzed by the situation. I know. I feel those too. I’m going to work on adopting this attitude and I hope you do too. It isn’t easy, but the key is to keep pushing on. I am working on appreciating what I have and keeping as positive as I can that things will work out.

As a first step to adopting this attitude, I put on a fresh coat of nail polish (bright summer red!), put on a nice outfit and accessories and headed out for dinner.
Being in a challenging situation, dressing up isn’t top on my list. Wearing clean clothes when I walk out the door — Win! But I need to make the most of the days and my life. We all do. I thought to myself, I own the clothes, accessories, makeup I have, I should use it. However difficult, however challenging, I am going to work on living life and making the best of it rain or shine.

What’s that 1 way that helps you or makes you feel you are living your life? It could be as simple as putting on your favorite lipstick or lipbalm or making your favorite cup of tea.

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Drown Fear

Whatever fears you having right now, drown your fear and speedboat yourself to make things better.

Whether it’s financial fears, job fears, relationship fears, family fears, think of how you can take tiny steps and 1 – 2 things to make the situation better and go do it. Start small with tiny steps and keep going and things will improve!

If it helps, share what your fears are in the comments below, what are 1 – 2 things you can do to make it better. After you have done the 1-2 things, come share how it felt.

DROWN your FEARS! Let’s do this together!!

Drown Fear!

Drown Fear!

There are No Mistakes in Life

If any of you are struggling with a challenging time in your life, having regrets, kicking yourself for something you wish you had done differently, or blaming yourself. You are not alone. I understand and plenty of us are going through our own challenges. It gave me hope reading this that there are no mistakes in life.

We have to push through as hard as it is, to keep working on improving the situation and make things better and have hope things will be better.

I hope this gives you comfort and things improve with whatever difficulties you are facing.

***

One sunny day, I was driving along thinking of all the things that could have been but never were. You know how it is, reminiscing about the past, playing things out differently in your head. Fantasizing what might have been, what should have been or what you could have done better. My mind soon turned to the more negative events of my life, or what I perceived to be negative. I was thinking back to mistakes I felt I’d made, wishing them to be different, feeling regret. Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted – no, they were overdubbed – by an intrusion. The intrusion (of unknown source, as I was alone) quite loudly and clearly stated:

There are no mistakes.

Wow. I have most definitely been told. Whilst I often chatter away to guides, spirit and angels, and my life is full of signs, intuitions and messages, I have never quite been shouted at in that manner. I guess some divine something felt it was important that I heard that and took it on board!

I love that philosophy. Let’s see it again: There are no mistakes. (Click to tweet)

Well, that is a relief! This feeds wonderfully into the belief that everything happens for a reason and that all things good, bad and indifferent serve a purpose in our personal and spiritual growth.

The fact that there are no mistakes can be a hard one to fathom, particularly if you are in the midst of feeling regret, guilt or sorrowful for some past action. I am sure there have been times in your life when you have held your head in your hands and cursed your own name for something that you have said or done.

In living by the mantra that nothing is a mistake, we do not vindicate ourselves from responsibility, but instead we can intelligently seek out the meaning behind our actions and their repercussions. No matter how misguided they may seem, or how much regret we feel, we can utilize our mistakes as a valuable opportunity. Mistakes are simply fresh chances for us to learn.

Do not misunderstand me. Regret is a real thing. Regret is a struggle and a torture that can summon up a lifetime of misery. If only…? What if…? Perhaps if I had…? Regret is real, because like so many other human thoughts, we attach ourselves to it, we make it a part of our persona and we exhaust ourselves mentally by almost becoming it. But whilst it is real, it is also not real. It is a perspective. Perspective can be shifted.

I believe that as little sparks of soul in a human body we are duty bound to shift our perspective. We must take those regrets and alleged mistakes and change them into something else, something more positive. This is true for all negative emotions: fear, sadness, pain, anger, stress, despair, depression and delusion.

We must realize that these negative thoughts and their associated emotions result from our own minds. No matter what terrible choices we have made, or what horrible events have befallen us, we have the choice to grieve for these for the rest of our time here. Or, alternatively we must find a way to cope.

And in my mind, the best way to cope is to turn a tragedy into a full-scale personal revolution that leads us straight up to our personal heaven’s door.

Regret can be a huge burden on your soul. I suggest you make efforts from this day forward to live differently with your regret and your mistakes. Try to see the value in them; reframe them to see the learning that you can achieve and then release the emotion that makes you feel bad about yourself. But first this…

Take a piece of paper. Write on it everything you regret, everything you think you could have done better or differently.

Then write down your emotions about this, how it makes you feel about yourself and the other people involved. Take this piece of paper, find a fireproof pot, go outside and burn that piece of paper. Burn it the hell up.

Maybe sit and meditate on this for a few minutes, mull it over with a cup of tea. Allow the relief and the joy to replace any old, worn, tired feelings of regret that you hold. You are now free. You are officially reframed.

You have a fresh slate – one that you can base your spirituality and your life upon. From now on look at your life through the eyes of a person determined to learn. Become a master of your existence and remember this always… There Are No Mistakes.

Love,

Alice

http://thedailylove.com/reframe-your-regret-there-are-no-mistakes/

I Wanted to Kiss You Goodnight

Kiss you goodnight

Making Sense of Why the Guy You Love Chose Another Girl

When the Guy I’ve loved chooses to be with another girl,

Naturally I’m searching for answers to make sense of it all.

What’s the best way to search for answers?

GOOGLE.

I googled combinations of “Why the guy chose another girl”
“Why did he disappear?”

“Why did he walked away?”

I read through 80, yes eighty, pages of search results needing to find the answers among blogs, magazine tips, news paper articles.

I needed comfort, I needed answers.

Why did he choose her? Why did he get disinterested in me?
Why didn’t he appreciate my genuine feelings for him?
Why didn’t he value me?
Why didn’t he recognize all the things we had in common?

Why, why, why, why, why, WHY????

Why her and not me?
WHY???
Why, why, why, why, WHY?

Here are a couple of things I learned from reading over 80 pages of search results and a few hundred links. These rang true to me.
I know this makes sense and I need to knock this into my sense.

1. Obsessing is about looking for reasons to blame yourself and trying to reason out things that there aren’t necessarily answers for.

The fact that you’re asking Why he doesn’t want to be with you or Why he chose her says you still want him very badly even though he’s clearly expressed he doesn’t see the value in you or being with you.

Yes, it hurts. Ouch. OUCH.

We all know that continuing to ask why yields no answers.
Continuing to ask WHY just does more emotional damage to yourself because you keep putting him and those Why questions on replay.

You’re obsessing about him. You’re clinging on to the last shred of him when he’s walked away and is enjoying life on a beach with the girlfriend while you’re crying your eyes out and losing weight because you can’t eat. You want to continually mourn him, you don’t want to move on.
Often when we ask these questions, they are with regard to men who probably aren’t worthy of our time.

2. You are Wonderful. Him choosing some girl is about him, not You (or me).

It does not say anything about you or imply that you are not good enough.
He just wanted something else.
Do not take it as a judgment on yourself.

There is nothing wrong with you other than your misinterpretation of the facts.

You’re Pink and he preferred Green. Pink is not better than Green.
Pink is just different from Green. That’s simply it.

If the one you love doesn’t want you, and by implication doesn’t value you, this is your wake-up call, albeit a painful one. You don’t want him or her either. You don’t want to invest any more time or thought or energy in this person.

When you love and admire someone so much, it may seem impossible to let go of.
But you must want to let go (instead of cling on to his memory) and you will move on
If you consciously choose to change your focus.

3. Stop Blaming Yourself

When I first heard the news that he’d gotten into a relationship, I started to look back at all the things I did wrong.

I cried miserably in the shower convinced I, myself, had singlehandedly ruined a long await chance at a relationship and being happy with someone who had so much in common.

I replayed the things I screwed up: Why didn’t I move in closer when we were walking by the river?
I should have made it clearer I liked him.
I shouldn’t have been so cautious about liking him. (well, look how well loving him has worked out…)
I should have been more spontaneous about saying “Let’s do this on saturday!” instead of waiting for him to suggest it.
I should have worn few accessories, the piles of bangles which were all the rage was probably too much

The truth is this.

And often times, the truth hurts A LOT more than the generalized comforting phrases we use.

The Truth is if he liked me enough, appreciated and valued me, he would have stayed.
He wouldn’t have walked off and lost interest — no matter how many bangles I had on my arm.


4. I’ll won’t find someone so compatible and amazing as him…

When the feelings are not mutual between you and another, examine how you put yourself in this unequal place.

Do you think that you’ll never find anyone else? (Guilty for now, Yes. I think it’ll be decades before I meet someone with so much in common in interests and background. Sigh)

Do you fantasize that if only he or she would love you, you would be happy the rest of your life?
(Guilty, Yes I can see all the things we could enjoy doing together, walks in the parks, concerts, traveling the world. Ah, Sigh. If Only….)

You are longing for someone who seems to have more going for them than you do, perhaps you need to look at what you should be doing to have a better, more interesting, more fulfilling life.


It could be that the loss you feel is the life you wanted to have by vicariously living beside and through someone else.


The saddest part to these one-way love obsessions is how willing people are to accept so little in return. It isn’t the beloved who is treating you badly— YOU are doing yourself an injustice and hurting yourself more by hanging around and moping after someone who isn’t available and doesn’t care enough about you. 


“Having a crush on someone is like putting your heart in a Ziploc bag and checking it at the airport luggage counter. There is a chance it will make the trip and come out unscathed, but there is a much greater chance that it will be bruised in some way.


We can all take great comfort in knowing that everything passes. Since there are no exceptions-none–it means that if you are sad, you won’t always be sad. If you fail, you’ll bounce back. If someone hurt you, that feeling will change. If you lose a love, there will be another. Indeed, there is something very reassuring in knowing that, whatever it is, however hard it seems, it too will pass.”


Understand there is no rhyme or reason to why men disappear or lose interest. No matter how much you discuss the situation with your friends, trying to figure out where things went wrong, it will all be speculations and you won’t get the answer of why he acted the way he did. In fact, it might have to do more with him than you. Maybe he got spooked at the thought of your relationship progressing to a more serious level, or perhaps he wasn’t as interested in you as he lead on and didn’t want to admit it face to face. The truth is, you’ll never know for certain why a man acts the way he does unless you hear it from him…and he probably isn’t coming back to tell you.


which is completely true because I haven’t heard from him…


I went through hundreds of links over the weekend, my emotional state matching the most gravity defying roller coasters.


On Sunday night I was exhausted from all the reading, trying to make sense of it all, trying to find comfort.


Perhaps all these combined words of wisdom and reality did sink in a little.
As I was going to sleep on Sunday night, instead of crying myself to sleep, I felt this sense of strength that I would be alright and I could rid him out of my mind.
Right now, I can’t let him linger at all because I like him too much.
If I even let him hang around, I won’t be able to get on with my life.


I hope the pain I’m going through will relieve everyone else of unrequited love and heartache.

If you’re going through the same, I’m here to offer you my hugs and love.
Drop me a note , there’s nothing like knowing you’re not alone.


So as much as it hurts this is what I’m doing and what I suggest you do if you’re going through heartbreak.

1. Don’t contact him. At All.
2. Don’t go to places you know you might run into him. At this point I’m not over him yet and I’m not stable enough to run into him, much less run into him and his girlfriend. I’ve no idea if I’ll feel shattered again and have to re-start my recovery. I don’t know if I can put up a brave front and say hi and smile. At this point, I don’t have the strength to. So I don’t want to see him.
3. Accept the finality of his decision. He’s made a choice, he’s gone. Treat it as he’s out of your life.
4. Lean on friends and whenever you feel down or need company, call or go out with a good friend who will support you
5. Do things that interest you and make you happy.
Take a new class. If painting made you happy, go back and do that. If Yoga helps you relieve your stress do it. Look after yourself and make yourself Happy in a healthy way


With that, I hope this finds you all happy and healthy
Leave me a message to share your story, a huge or word or comfort.

Related stories and links I read as part of the 80 pages of search results:

Who He Chose…

It was meant to a relaxing, laid back afternoon,
enjoying coffee and sinful chocolate cake with a friend.

I walked into the tiny cafe looking for some seats.

Walking along the long wooden table, I felt punched by the walls and probably froze for a few seconds.
Right in front, I saw the guy I was crazy about.
With a girl.
and his arms around her.

I was completely caught off guard. I was not prepared to meet him.
I hadn’t heard from him in awhile and I had guessed he had met someone.
But there’s nothing like being smashed in the face with the visual of the guy you’ve been liking for over a year standing with his girlfriend.
His arms around her when you want it to be you his arms are around.

I turned around and walked out of the cafe slowly, hoping no one, including him, would notice.
Wishing I could fade into the walls, sink into the wooden floor boards and disappear.
Wishing I never walked into that cafe to see him with his new girlfriend.

Once out the door, I walked in a daze towards the small garden patch next to the cafe.
The friend I was meeting was walking to the cafe and I had to quickly revert to my smiley disposition.
A friend confirmed my sighting when she heard I’d seen him
“Oh yes! he’s got a girlfriend! It’s pretty new!”
I kept very silent and put on a poker face the entire time.

For the first few hours, I must have still been in shock and I didn’t feel much.

As the hours have worn on, the questions have surfaced and are playing on repeat in my mind.
The hurt and pain is surfacing. I’ve cried a few times.

As I cried in the shower, I yelled at myself silently: I blame myself partly.
I just screwed up a possible shot at a relationship with someone who has a lot in common.
If I wasn’t so cautious when I first met him and I showed my interest more clearly, it could be me by his side now.
Now I’ve lost a chance to find out if we are compatible, if we can have a life together.
It’s gone.

And I’m reeling in the pain and hurt that he chose someone else over me.
I just wanted us to share our common interests together, learn about other areas together and each other’s perspective, enjoy the simple things in life of reading together on a sofa, admire the view from the mountain, savor the fragrant tea.

He is the only one I’ve met who I’ve wanted to cook for and recreate his favorite childhood dish he misses. I would have experimented countless times to recreate the dish for him since the family recipe has been lost.

 

I admire him and love his creativity, his understated, quiet sense of humor, his brilliance.
I like him for who he is — not what he’s achieved or what he offers me.
I like him for him.

I’d so wish we could have pursued our interests together, side by side.
I wanted to edge him on and support him and encourage him to embark on his long time dream.

I wanted to have a shot at finding out if we were compatible together,
if we could have a life together.
I believe we could.

I just wanted for us to enjoy the things we had in common and incorporate the differences,
to cheer him on in his efforts, support him when things were down,
stand on his side always, love and laugh together,
make him happy, and be happy together.

 

Where we both feel our lives are better because we are together:
The bad days are more bearable because we have enough other,
The joys in life are more joyous because we celebrate together.
If he fell sick, I’d look after him and stay with him to lift his spirits.
I just wanted to share our life, have a fuller life, and be happier together because we had each other.
My love is sincere and genuine and that’s all I want.

I don’t know why he lost interest. Was it something I said or did?
I don’t know why he doesn’t appreciate my sincerity and everything I have to offer.
Honestly, how many people would love you for you and not because you have something to offer them?

But he chose someone else.
I’m crushed I have to admit. Completely crushed.
I shouldn’t be taking it this hard.
After all it was just a guy I had been going out with that didn’t work.
I shouldn’t be in tears or feeling this piercing pain throughout my body.

But the pain is there and it hurts like hell.
I need it to go away and I can’t bear living with this pain.
I don’t know why and what went wrong and I know I won’t get any answers.

I have a lot of love and affection for him.
I swear there was chemistry between us and there’s an attraction.
I wish we had a shot at life together.

For now, I need this pain to go away and accept I’ve lost a shot with someone I care deeply for.
I hate being collateral damage but this is life.
In life, sometimes you end up with a losing streak.
Until things improve….

Please share how you got through the pain and hurt when a person you loved chose to be with someone else.lost-love-poems2

Wanting More from Life

February.

Gosh. How did we get to February so fast?It’s been a blur.
The project I’m working on has close to completely taken over my life and the past month.
It’s been long days, over 12 hours every day.

I know there is value in taking home a paycheck in itself

The weekends pass in a short dash and the special, prized weekend time seems to evaporate quickly without anything notable to speak of.

Sunday arrives and I feel down.
Today is one of those days I’m down and depressed.

Life can be hard enough just getting through and surviving.
The problem multiplies because I want meaning in my life,
because I have a passion,
and I want to do what I’m passionate about.

This makes life exponentially harder.
It’s hard enough finding a job to earn a decent paycheck to pay the bills,
getting through each day to just get to the weekend.
I look forward to the weekend and it whizzes by.
When you add MORE demands on your life and yourself,
including BIG ones such as
wanting your life to have purpose
and doing what you love in addition to paying the bills,
it adds more demands and stress on your life,
on my life, because I’m trying to do more with the same amount of time and there are some times I just can’t do both.

This depression set in last night when I was in bed thinking, my work has no meaning,
it doesn’t make a difference — it doesn’t make me fulfilled,
and it’s not making a difference to the world.
It’s meaningless.

The only purpose it serves is the paycheck I get in exchange for spending my hours and life doing something I see as meaningless.
I’m willing to say I may be wrong and it may benefit the world in some way — I just don’t recognize it now.

When you keep doing what feels meaningless just so you can have a paycheck... unless you're a bowling ball, then you just keep knocking your head against the wall....

When you keep doing what feels meaningless just so you can have a paycheck… unless you’re a bowling ball, then you just keep knocking your head against the wall….

Yet what would make a difference to me is something that is sufficient for me to live on.
The work I love and am passionate about, Unfortunately, doesn’t even cover my necessities.
I could work on it for hours and I feel fulfilled and happy.

Secondly, because I want to make a difference with my life, I do want to spend more time every month volunteering.
I’m in transition and I’m already having difficulty coping with this job and project so to add another demand on my time, of a monthly or biweekly volunteer activity creates further stress on me and my schedule.

What would really make you happy? Imagine if you could do that everyday, how much happier would you be?

What would really make you happy? Imagine if you could do that everyday, how much happier would you be?

I feel trapped in a state of unhappiness where I know I need to earn an income to pay the bills but doing so means I can’t do the work I love. So I’m just getting through each day, earning enough to pay the bills so I can continue for another day but devoid of the passion and joy that comes with doing what I love.
It feels like life on life support. Passing each day alive but not living life.

I don’t have a solution which makes me even more upset.

I can’t see the purpose or point of living this way.

This is when passion kills. When you know what you love but you can’t do it and it makes you miserable.

Often times, I wish I was like all these people — happy to get through life, content to have a job and earn a paycheck and accept that as life.
Not to have a passion or seek meaning in life.
Less pressure on yourself, on your time, on your life.

What do I do with the feelings of passion and desire to achieve purpose and meaning with my life?
Did you find a way to balance your job and what you love?

related posts

http://www.simplybu.com/are-you-really-living-your-life/

Happy New Year! Choose 1 Word to Define Your Year!

Happy New Year!
I hope all of you had a good new year and holiday season whether you spent it at home or out at a big party celebrating!
It’s a new year, a new start, and another 365 days of possibilities.
Here’s to a great year ahead for all of us — one that is filled with happiness and realization of goals.

Like myself, you may enjoy making a list of things to achieve during the year, writing down 3 or 20 resolutions. Or perhaps you don’t believe in resolutions or maybe your life is close to perfect so there’s not much more you’re asking for.

Whichever category you fall in, here’s a way to live your year the way you want it.

Choose one word and work at living your year that way.

I chose Happy.

I'm going to be happier and this is going to be happy year

I’m going to be happier and this is going to be happy year

I want to be happier this year, I want this to be a happier year.
I need more happiness.
And while I said choose one word, I’m adding on a related point which is to be less stressed about everything.
I need to be less stressed out about things and be happier.
There we go! That’s how my year is going to be for me– a happy happier year!

The irony is, it’s going to take alot of work and effort to the happy and happier.
We’re only into the 4th day of the new year and I’ve already been fighting to live my hours and days that way (the happier way).

New Year’s day, I was tired, sleep deprived and stressed out about all the new year emails I wanted to send to say hi and reconnect with people. I spent the whole day doing that.
By the time evening came around, I had a headache and was slightly dizzy and had to drag myself to a pre-arranged dinner. Dinner dragged on too long and I was even more tired by the time I reached home.
I was grouchy and resented having to appear at the dreaded work desk the next day.
I was annonyed, pissed, irritated and stressed because I hadn’t sent out all the emails I wanted to.
Basically I was the opposite of happy and less stressed. Not a good start.

2nd day I grouchily dragged myself to get to my work desk and begrudgingly sat through the day, wishing it would be over. Working on a document write up, I had a draft which I hoped would just require a few changes. But NO. The person had a whole lot of new ideas to add which meant MORE Work for me.
2nd January — I am NOT in the mood to work. Again, not exactly happy.

This morning started out well, I forced myself to wake up early and go for a yoga class.
Then it got a little rough. I had things to do but was paralyzed fear and took me awhile to get started.
I managed to get 2 hours of work done which wasn’t much but better something than nothing.
Segue to tonight, I met with a friend for dinner which was nice. We had drinks and pasta and chatted the night away. A improvement on being happier.

I’m working at being happy and less stressed.
A few minutes ago, I could feel the stress creeping up as I thought about the emails I haven’t replied to and the things i need to take care of this weekend that I haven’t started on.
It was enough to get me into a bad mood.

Then I reminded myself, I need to live the year happy.
I took a deep breath and started this post.
I am going to work at be happier and having happy year.
I can do it. And I will be happier.

I’m going to reply to those emails and take it in stride, and stress out less about it.
That’s the plan =)

What’s the one word you chose to define your year?

Write Your Envisioned Life

Today, I saw someone painting. It made me miss it.
I’m in the midst of a transition, trying to earn some stable income.
So, I barely have time to get the mundane bits of life in order much less having time for my creative work.
(read: laundry, prescription refills, getting meals together etc.)

I had a thought.
Let’s write our life story, the way we want our life to be and how our life will improve in 2014.

As we look forward to 2014, let’s all do this.

Write down the life you want and envision for yourself.
Write it in absolute terms, manifest and envision the life you want.
Don’t use words like “try” “if only” ” I wish”
Assume those conditions will surface and write what you want to do with you life.
The year is coming to a close, and I’ll write another post on my reflections.

Write the Life You Want To Live

Write the Life You Want To Live

For now, here’s how I envision my life and how I want to live my life and days.

To have the financial security and work on my creative work, pursue my passion and deepen my skill.
I will have a clear desk where I can paint. I’ll set aside a day or two every week to paint
Be disciplined and write everyday through a combination of practice writing exercises, my stories, and finish the draft storyboard of the short film I’ve had in mind for years.
I’ll enjoy the freedom and flexibility of my days and life instead of being stressed daily about paying the bills.
Take the time to have a cup of coffee by the window and just admire the flowers on the still instead of worrying about the bills.

While I was freelancing, I spent majority of my time and energy worrying about the bills and income.
If and when I am back freelancing, I will enjoy it and not worry myself agonizing about money.
Worrying will not change the situation, I might as well enjoy it.

I will make good use of my time, read more and build on my knowledge
I will spend time with people who are dear to me and put aside time every month to volunteer and help the less fortunate.
I will be healthier and get back into a regular exercise routine.
I will be kinder to myself, stop stressing out myself, laugh more, live well, and be happy.
This is the life I want to live.

What’s yours?

Making Christmas 10x Better!

Ah Christmas! I love Christmas and any holiday that puts me and most people in a happy mood.
My favorite Christmases are those spent with fresh snow falling and waking up to the slight chill with the scent of pine trees in the air.

It’s one of those beautiful things in life.
I hope you’re enjoying this holiday season.

What makes Christmas even better is …

1. Having someone to light up my life
Brings a whole new delectable meaning to “Light up my Life”

I'll Light Up Your Life

I’ll Light Up Your Life Baby…

2. A Good Reason to Kiss the Guy You Like

Mistletoe

You’re not going to mess with tradition, are you?

Carry Mistletoe in your bag for the entire month of December.
Whenever you see a cute guy or the guy you’ve had a crush on for months, whip out the Mistletoe immediately, Hold it above your head.
Look at him innocently and say “Tradition calls for it….”
Look at the mistletoe and raise your shoulders in a “I can’t do anything about it…” manner
Hope he leans in to kiss you and TA-DA.
Magic moment kiss!!! (Hopefully it’s good. If not, you can cross out the crush and move on.)

3. You have 12 Days to Celebrate Christmas!!

If you’ve been celebrating Christmas for just one day, I hate to break it to you that you’re doing it all wrong.
Most people have forgotten Christmas is a 12 day holiday celebration!!

TWELVE DAYS!!
12 days of feasting, drinking, celebration, presents to self and pure happiness!!
Which means you should be celebrating from Dec 25 to Jan 5 EVERY YEAR!

I’m still waiting for someone to gift me those 3 french hens and 12 golden rings….

Three French Hens

These are some Stylish French Hens. Clearly not for Eating!

I hope you’re all having a wonderful holiday season!
Share what you love about the holidays and I’m sending everyone holiday cheer and happiness!

This Way to Happier

Many of us look at our life, fairly convinced that if a few aspects were better, we’d be much happier.

If I had a better job, I would worry less about money and be happier.
If my partner was more understanding, I would be happier
If I had more money, I could look prettier.

Sometimes it also takes the form of wishing for some other aspect of someone else’s life.

If I had job, like Tom’s, I would worry less about money and be happier.
If my partner was more understanding, like Mary, I would be happier
If I had more money, like Grace who has a trust fund, I could look prettier.

We live with these thoughts on a regular basis. Maybe not daily.
But every week, every month, they’re sitting there with as as our regular companions.
Assuring us how much better and happier our life would be if only a few aspects would be better.

Days are spent trying to make it better, wondering how you are going to get through the next day or week.

The dissatisfaction piles up to a sharp climax where you decide you’ve had enough.
You need a change. It’s going to be better.

Maybe it’s a revelation in your life. or maybe an impulse. Perhaps a mid life crisis.
It’s impossible to know which it truly is.

You make some HUGE decision in your life that drastically alters your life. You believe this will lead you to happiness.

You change your job from something you have been grinding at to pay the bills to something you love.
Which means you have to start from scratch. You swear you will be happier doing what you love even if it pays much less.

You move to a place you’ve always dreamt about living in.
Convinced life will be better and you will be happier.

This Way to Happier Signpost

This Way to Happier

You embark on that journey, overflowing with conviction you are right. You’ve made a big, brave move.
You will be happier, life will be better.

And then you realize as you walk on that journey, it’s not a smooth sailing path to the better life and happiness you thought.

There are new problems. Maybe even the old problems linger, resurface.
There are downsides you didn’t predict before.
You’ve taken this huge step towards your dream life, what you always thought would make you happier.
Only to find out, this direction has it’s problems as well.

What we think our happier life would be, someone else’s picture perfect life we wish we could have
It’s greener and sparkling with beauty from a distance.
Up close and threading on it, you realize it’s not a smooth road.
It has its own problems, different ones perhaps, but problems anyway.

It doesn’t necessarily solve the old problems.
After making a huge sharp turn in your life, you realize much of life and decisions you make, is about trade offs.

The sign you put up that read “This way to happier”  bears its own course and trials.
You will never know until you try.
But you may try and realize the hike to Happier lets you down.

Have you made a big decision in your life that would make you happier? Share your story and journey!

Read about Anna’s story of packing up her life and moving countries on the road to Happier
You can read more about her story at http://www.kansies.com/

Tips on Coping with Anxiety

Overall Attitudes For Handling Anxiety

Here are general mindsets for coping with anxiety if it’s a problem for you. The advice below will work best if your anxious feelings are mild to moderate. If your anxiety is more severe you may need to seek extra help. There are quite a few suggestions below, so pick and choose the ones that speak to you the most.

The points below are about tackling anxiety directly. You can also do a lot to indirectly cut off anxiety at its source by making broader lifestyle changes, which this article discusses.

Another huge part of dealing with anxiety in the long term is facing your fears, both of the situations which scare you, and of your anxiety itself causing something bad to happen in them. This article and this article go into that more.

What doesn’t work is avoiding your fears or trying to satisfy your anxious urges

As this article on the nature of anxiety explains, anxiety will either try to tell us, “Avoid this scary situation and I’ll go away” or “Perform these actions and I’ll go away” These approaches never work in the long term. It’s playing right into the counterproductive behavior your anxiety is encouraging. It’s like trying to cure a drug addiction by smoking more crack, because it makes you feel better when you do it. The proper way to deal with anxiety isn’t nearly as easy or immediately gratifying as giving into the cravings. Most people eventually decide it has to be done though.

As you get more experience with your anxiety you’ll be able to handle it better

When anxiety first starts to negatively affect your life it can throw you for a loop because it’s so scary and unfamiliar. It’s easy to get swept up in it without stopping to think about what’s happening or where it’s taking you. With more experience you’ll start to become more familiar with your anxious tendencies. You’ll also get to know the course your anxiety tends to take when it comes on.

Combined with coping strategies, this will give you more of an ability to address your nervous feelings. The first few times anxiety appears it has the advantage of catching you off guard. With time you’re better able to step back and see the process unfold, and matter of factly say things to yourself like, “Oh, I just got reminded of how I need to pay off that debt. My heart is starting to beat a bit fast. If this keeps up I’ll feel pukey and shaky soon. I’ll use approach X now because I know that usually works.” Just being aware of how everything is going to play out can take away some of its power.

Accept you’re going to be anxious some of the time

Everybody gets anxious sometimes. There are just things in life that are going to make us nervous. This is especially true if someone is just wired to be a little more high-strung. Even someone who’s become a black belt in coping with their nerves is occasionally going to have it get the best of them. We all have bad days, but that’s fine in the long run if they’re spread between lots of better ones.

Sometimes people can start thinking that they have to find a way to never be anxious again. They can get stuck because they believe they have to totally eliminate their nerves before they can get back to their lives. That’s never going to happen though. It’s just a part of life that sometimes we’re going to feel negative emotions. This seems obvious, but sometimes it’s easy to forget, especially since some self-help writing sends an implicit message that it’s an attainable goal to get to a place where you feel happy constantly.

Realize that anxiety is uncomfortable but harmless

One reason anxiety is such a problem for some people is that they (understandably) develop the attitude that their anxiety is horrible and intolerable and they must do everything they can to avoid feeling that way. As soon as it starts to pop up they go into high alert and have an automatic response of wanting to escape and get rid of it.

They can change their relationship to their anxiety if they start to see that while it’s uncomfortable, it won’t kill them, and they don’t necessarily have to flee whenever it appears. Learning to let anxiety be present is important to some other steps to overcoming it.

Realize you can be anxious and still function or enjoy something

Sometimes people start to look at their anxiety in Either-Or terms. Either they’re not nervous about something at all, and they can go ahead, or it makes them nervous and they have to take a pass, or somehow make themselves become completely anxiety-free before they can do it. Many things are worth doing even with some jitters. The benefits outweigh the discomfort.

When looking back at an event after the fact, how anxious you were at the time becomes even less important. For example, someone may go to a concert even though they don’t like crowds. Five years later when they’re remembering it, they’re probably going to be thinking, “I’m so glad I saw that band before they broke up!”, not “I felt a little shaky and nervous at times. I totally should have stayed home.”

Realize it’s just okay to feel anxious

Feeling anxious doesn’t mean you’re weak because you’re cowardly and you can’t control your emotions. It’s okay to be nervous about certain things. We all get that way at times. If you’re starting a new job the next week and you’re anxious about it, that’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with you for feeling jittery, even though you logically know there isn’t anything to be scared of. Give yourself permission to be afraid. Having this attitude means embracing a contradiction; Anxiety is obviously better if it isn’t around, but if it does appear, that’s totally acceptable as well.

Figure out what is important to you in life and go after it regardless of your anxiety

This is one of the central concepts of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Take the time to clarify what your goals and values are and then commit to living them out. You don’t put your life on hold waiting for your anxiety to go away, because that will never happen. You accept it will always be there to a degree, but you do what’s important to you anyways. Like the point above mentioned, if you’re pursuing something you really care about then any nervousness that comes up along the way will be worth it.

Someone might decide that it’s important to them to increase their social circle. Maybe they also decided one of their values was trying new things. If they get an invitation to go rock climbing with some new people at work, and the thought of it makes them nervous, it’ll be easy for them to accept anyways because they can see how it aligns with what they want out of life. Or say someone has to give a speech to help raise money for a charity. They may not be crazy about public speaking, but they’ll do it because it fits with their value of helping other people. The anxiety might still come up, but it’s put in a totally different context.

Maybe you’ve met an anxious person who seems to follow this philosophy. They come across as fairly anxious in general, but they get by in life. They may even seem oddly comfortable with the fact that they look nervous sometimes, or that they may trip over their words around new people. I’ve even known people to casually tell their friends about how they get so nervous sometimes that they have to throw up, but they just go to the bathroom, do it, and then get back to whatever it is they were doing.

Get to the point where you don’t care if you show any anxious symptoms

This is easier said than done, but it can be very freeing and soothing if you can get to this place. Anxiety can have such a powerful hold on us because we’re afraid of the consequences of experiencing some of its symptoms. Someone may avoid meeting new people because they’re afraid of trembling in front of them. Another person may not take the subway because they’re worried about what might happen if they get nauseous between stops.

It can take a lot of that influence away if someone just says to themselves, “You know what? If I look nervous in front of people, I look nervous. If I turn red while talking to someone it’s not the worst thing ever, if I seem comfortable with myself otherwise. If I’m out at a dinner, and I get so worked up that I lose my appetite and people comment on why I’m not eating, that’s fine. I’ll manage. I’m going to do what I want to do anyways. I’m not going to let my anxiety dictate my life and hold these things over me.” Of course, if you can start to think like this, where you don’t care about the consequences of your anxiety, you’ll often be less likely to feel anxious in the first place.

Be okay with telling people you’re anxious

Another point, similar to the one above, is that it can help to get to a place where you’re comfortable telling people you’re anxious at that moment, or have a problem with anxiety in general. It takes away one more thing anxiety can hold over you, the belief that you can’t ever let anyone find out you’re feeling that way. Anxiety is universal, and pretty much everyone can relate and won’t judge you for it. Yeah, you probably don’t want to tell everyone the whole saga of your nervousness within five seconds of meeting them, but just knowing you don’t have to keep anything a secret can be a relief.

Most anxious symptoms aren’t as obvious as it feels they are

This point seems to contradict the ones above it in a way. I just said not to worry about showing symptoms, but now I’m explaining how many symptoms aren’t even that noticeable? Doesn’t that seem to play into the idea that people should be concerned about everyone picking up on their nervousness? I guess it is a bit of a contradiction, but sometimes I think it’s fine to hold two conflicting ideas in our minds at once.

Like I was saying, many people let their anxiety control them because they’re worried about appearing visibly jittery. Most symptoms of anxiety aren’t as apparent as it seems they are from the inside. Even when someone is extremely panicky, it often doesn’t look all that special to an observer. Just knowing this can take away even more of anxiety’s power.

Learn when to listen to your anxiety and when not to take it seriously

Anxiety isn’t all bad. It warns of dangers we should attend to. A smidgen of anxiety about a school assignment can get us started on it, when we’d otherwise put it off until the last second. Nervousness about a debt we have to pay off reminds us of the importance of not ignoring it, and that we shouldn’t frivolously spend our money. We all know anxiety can be very irrational as well. Our fears can be greatly exaggerated and unrealistic. We can find ourselves worrying about things that are extremely unlikely to happen.

It’s important to balance your reaction to your anxiety between these two ideas. On one hand, a lot of the things our anxiety tells us are totally unrealistic and exaggerated and can be brushed aside. These thoughts are the anxiety speaking, not the ‘real you’. If you want to take a stroll around your block and your nervousness tells you, “A meteor may hit you”, that’s something you need to dismiss.

Sometimes your anxiety is trying to tell you something legitimate, even if the way it’s presenting those concerns is a bit over the top. In these cases trying to make the nervousness go away may not work as well. This sounds a little odd, but here it can help to actually listen to your anxiety and acknowledge that you’ve really heard it and considered what it has to say. The way I picture it is that a part of your mind knows something is a legitimate concern. It sends your anxiety as a courier to relay that message to you. If you keep trying to push the anxiety away, that part of your mind will continue trying to deliver the information. When it’s satisfied you’ve actually heard what it has to say, it will breathe easy and leave you alone.

For example, say you’re nervous because you need to find a job. If every time you start to feel anxious you try to make the feelings go away, they may keep coming back. If you take a minute to listen to what your anxiety is telling you, and then go, “Yeah, I do need to look for a job soon. I’ll get on it. Thanks for the message” you may find it stops coming back. The important thing is that you truly consider the message and intend to act on it. In a sense you ‘solved’ the issue you were anxious about, so the emotion has no reason to linger. You didn’t literally fix anything, but sometimes just intending to get started is the same. Sure, this tip won’t magically work every time, but it can help in some cases.

Follow the ‘process’

When we’re anxious it’s sometimes because we’re worried about something that may happen in the future. For certain situations you may be able to calm your nerves by reminding yourself you’ll follow the ‘process’. What I mean is that for things like looking for a job, there’s an ideal process you go through. You update your resume, you apply for different positions, you reach out to your contacts, maybe even see an employment counselor, and generally try your best to find work. If you don’t find anything, the process has additional steps you can go through, like asking your parents for a loan, selling some of your stuff, applying for unemployment, or moving back home while you wait for the job market to get better. The process is designed in a way that if you follow it you’ll probably be okay.

There are similar processes for other situations like applying to universities, navigating a troubled relationship, or creating a social circle. You can reduce your worries by telling yourself, “There’s no point in fretting about what might or might not happen. I’ll just follow the ‘process’, handle each phase as it comes, and that should see me through.” You’re going to be doing the right actions, so you can take your thoughts out of the equation.

The defiant attitude vs. the calm, accepting attitude

For many of the attitudes mentioned above, you could take two approaches to applying them. Both seem to work in their own way. As I love to say, you could always use a mix of both. One way would be to take a tough, defiant stand towards your anxiety; “Oh, I’m starting to feel pukey before meeting my friends? I don’t care. I’m not letting my nerves push me around any longer. I’ll throw up in front of everyone if I have to, but I’m standing my ground and not avoiding my fears any longer!” This can be a very good way to motivate yourself, but some people might say the whole struggling and fighting thing is unnecessary.

The other route would be to take on a more Zen mindset. You calmly roll with whatever your anxiety dishes out, all without straying from following your values. If your anxiety interferes with your life you accept that and don’t expect everything to work out perfectly all the time. You have a positive, understanding view of your nervousness; It’s just trying to help, but it goes overboard sometimes and it nothing personal.

As written on Succeed Socially

How I’m Feeling Right Now…

Stressed, Frustrated, and Overwhelmed

Excitement to anxiety to Overwhelmed

Excitement to anxiety to Overwhelmed

I’ve been trying to finalize a project agreement.
At this point, I’m frustrated at the new tricks one person in the process keeps throwing into the mix.
I’m tired out and I really do not want to keep discussing new conditions the person throws in.

I’m stressed every time I get a new revision

Fear sets in with the thought ” Uh Oh, i wonder what he’s put into the document this time…”
Which leads to dread

Opening the document is like being fed on by a Vampire you see at the corner of a deserted alley late at night but you walk towards him anyway…

Dark-Alley-iPad-wallpaper-ilikewallpaper_com I opened the document and scrolled through.
I felt instantly drained of all my energy. Bitten by the Vampire.

I just want this to be done and to agree and finalize the terms so everyone can get to the work.
Is that so difficult?

Once you agree on something. Stick to it and don’t keep adding new terms.
It drags things on needlessly and makes you look bad & lack credibility.

Now I’m working up the energy to look through the document and catch the new clauses and address them with the people involved.
Wish me luck and goodness. I need it!

Deal with What You are Going To Do

Swim through the weeds of all the things that are bothering you and look forward

Swim through the weeds of all the things that are bothering you and look forward

Finding Goodness

Find the Goodness in Return

Finding Goodness

If you have been disappointed, take heart. For you are also in a great place from which to start.

When you’ve made the effort and failed to get the desired result, see it as the blessing it is.
You have just discovered what doesn’t work and that will help you figure out what does work.

When people are critical of you, sincerely thank them.
They have just given you a valuable perspective which can help you to become even more effective.

In the moments when frustration comes, feel the intense energy that comes with it.
Transform that energy into determination, and make it a powerful, positive force.

Even when there are good reasons to feel sorry for yourself, don’t.
Those very same reasons can be reasons to move forward with more commitment than ever before.

Whatever life may give you, choose to give goodness in return.
And nothing will be able to hold you back from the sweet fulfillment you deserve.

Ralph Marston – The Daily Motivator

related articles

6 Steps to Finding the Good in Your Life

Finding Goodness Rose

Dealing with Rejection

Rejection is hard for me.

It’s 1 of the 4 things to stop worrying about in the recent post.

It’s something I need to be better at dealing with — be able to take rejection and not crumble to the ground and let it wipe away my self esteem.
Most of us face rejection but it’s especially tough when you’re at an inflection point in your life like getting a job or into the school you want.

I’ve been dealing with rejection recently and the most recent episode just shattered me.
It made me feel so small and the person made me feel so bad about myself.
I think he took pleasure in putting me down.

Why Won't You Give Me a Chance??? -- The question that is often repeated in my head when I get rejected

Why Won’t You Give Me a Chance??? — The question that is often repeated in my head when I get rejected

Part of dealing with rejection is psychology.
As in my situation, if someone is making you feel bad about yourself, then it’s clear you’re dealing with a bad, negative person.
In which case, their opinion and words about you shouldn’t matter.
So, you clearly shouldn’t let it get to you and feel worthless, which is precise what the evil person is trying to do.

That’s certainly easy to say.

If you are human, despite the above being logical, the words and actions of that mean person is bound to sting.
You just have to keep repeating to yourself that they are mean people and therefore their opinion is unimportant.

More generally, the tough part is getting over every no you receive.

No, we don’t want to hire you. No you’re not a good fit for this opportunity.
No, I don’t want to go out with you. No, I don’t want to be in a relationship with you.
No, no, no, no, no.

Rejection2

It’ll hurt. Again it’s a mind game.
No from one person, means you can move on to another opportunity.
And if you keep trying, you’ll eventually get to yes.
That is true. It’s recently taken me many Nos to finally get to a yes.
It is hard to believe it or see it when you are facing rejection and all you’re hearing is no.
But keeping trying and you’ll find a yes.
It’s easy to lose hope and get disheartened. I certainly have been there.
I understand how difficult it is to keep going sometimes.

Some days, I would feel hopeless but I would force myself to do something.
I believe and remember Woody Allen’s quote “80% of success is showing up.”
So even when I feel terrible, I show up.
I keep knocking on doors, keep going out there to meet people because you never know which is the one situation you’ll meet someone who WILL appreciate you.

Every now and then, I had a good friend who would pull me up and remind me of all the good things I’d accomplish.
There are only a few of them and they are all living far away.
I wish my good friends lived close to me so I could see them more often.

When you’re faced with rejection, even if it’s continuous rejection,
Don’t let rejection or someone knock you down.
Find those handful of amazing friends who will lift you up and support you.

Keep going!

***

Rejection Snoopy

Related articles

4 Things to Stop Worrying About & Stop Driving Yourself Crazy

As a writer, I’m a thinker by nature. I need to think about what topics to delve into and how to best express them. But sometimes, thinking can get me into trouble.

Maybe you can relate.

Often, our thinking goes into overdrive and turns into fixating. And we end up spending (or should I say “wasting”?) a lot of time ruminating on things that don’t matter, things that keep us worried and distracted from reaching our goals.

Here are four things you can stop worrying about — forever:

1. People who are doing better than you

We’ve all been there.

“What — THAT book is a bestseller? The plot is terrible and the writing is filled with grammatical errors!”

“My four-year-old could have come up with that!”

“I had that same idea last year. They just got lucky.”

Really, this reaction is more about us than it is about them. We could have done better if only we’d actually written that novel or pitched the idea.

But where the successful person took action, we stalled.

Action trumps perfection. Stop thinking about all the worse-than-you writers and entrepenrus who are making it big and instead, use them as motivation.

After all, if they can land that awesome assignment or end up on the bestsellers list even with all their flaws, you can do it, too. If you only forget perfection and take action.

2. The competition

It’s a bad idea to share your ideas and contacts in such a competitive market. After all, there’s only so much to go around, right?

Wrong.

In my 16-year career as a freelance writer, I’ve discovered there are more than enough opportunities for everyone.

And the more I helped out writers who wanted to brainstorm ideas or know how to contact the nutrition editor at Health magazine, the more other writers shared information and opportunities with me.

In fact, I can calculate at least $50,000 of work over the years that came from networking not with editors or agents, but with other writers who passed my name along to people needing writing.

Wall yourself off from other writers because they’re your “competition” and the universe will wall you off from writing opportunities. Instead, consider other writers your friends and colleagues, and share, share, share.

Worrying Doesn't Solve Anything, It just Tires you Out. So does Comparing yourself to others

Worrying Doesn’t Solve Anything, It just Tires you Out. So does Comparing yourself to others

3. What the market wants

The surest way to lose your unique style and quash your brilliant ideas is to become obsessed with figuring out what the market wants.

Often, the market doesn’t even know what it wants until it gets it. How could it?

Of course, you want to create something others will like, but don’t lose your voice trying to conform to what you imagine will appeal to the largest demographic.

Maybe you’ll start a trend instead of following one.

4. Rejection

A “no” from a gatekeeper can bring on obsessive thoughts in any person’s mind:

  • What’s wrong with my work?
  • What’s wrong with ME?
  • Maybe I should just quit.

The people who succeed in this world are the ones who can blast past rejection.

After all, this is a numbers game. What would have happened if JK Rowling hadn’t racked up all those rejections for the Harry Potter series, or Steve Jobs had never returned to Apple after being fired from the company he started?

Rejection isn’t about you. It isn’t even about your work. It’s a sign that what you have isn’t exactly what the permission-givers need right now.

I got 500 rejections from magazine editors — at least — and still made a great living writing mainly for magazines. For me, each “no” was a stepping stone to the next “yes.”

Maybe the same can be true for you… if you can let go of what your friends are doing, what the world wants, and what the critics think — and just persevere.

Post by Linda Formichelli, who blogs at The Renegade Writer.

 

My Horrible Day…

Yesterday was a terrible day. HORRIBLE.

Is the proximity of the moon to earth making people mean and fragile?
I don’t know
The Bloggess has her view on this

I started yesterday full of hope.

I was in line to win a project and was scheduled to meet with a two senior people overseeing the project.
I’ve stayed up nights to do extra reading to be as well prepared as I could be.

My first meeting went well enough.
The second meeting very quickly down the tube.

The Director pretty much shot done all my experience and said it didn’t count.
In the end, he said he wasn’t going to recommend me for the project.

I am not good at arguing with people and someone else would probably have done a much better job of refuting him.
I didn’t. I looked at him and just tried to keep my calm and not cry.

The guy trampled and trashed all my experience and made me feel like crap, that I was worthless because my recent experience wasn’t what he demanded based on his specific criteria.

Sitting on his high horse, with his big title and pay check, he just went on say I couldn’t execute the project on the same level of expertise as the rest of the team.
He failed to realize how difficult and it challenging it was for me to work on a project basis.
Could he do it instead? Get up every day and go out and pitch himself to get projects to work on?
Hear no no no no no the entire day and weeks on end but continue to persevere to look out for projects?
He didn’t bother 1 bit to recognize the qualities it takes to do that and give me credit for me.
He just shot me down, labelled my experience lacking, and trampled all over me.

It was SO EASY for him to flick me off like a pesky fly.
What was an easy, thoughtless, simple decision to slam the door in my face meant a drastic loss of opportunity for me.

This is the part that kills me.
It is that flick of a moment that changes the course of your life.

I was SO close to getting the project.

If not for him, I would have had a decent to good shot at getting the project.
But in his one moment of whim, he slammed close the door and as a result it is a huge loss to me.
I was passionate about the project, it is something I really want to do and can do.
It would have been an incredibly journey to work on it.

And, he’s taken that away from me and made me feel like crap.
Everyday he wakes up. He goes to his office and sits there knowing he will get a big fat paycheck at the end of the month.
Every week, I have to go out and look for people I can pitch to, try to get projects to work on.
I never know how much I will make in a month or whether it will be an empty month.

I’ve been crying since yesterday evening, into the night, and this morning when I woke up.
I went to sleep shivering from the pain of my misery.

I wanted to stop trying. Why bother to try and achieve my ambitions to be told my experience and work means nothing.
I should just go back to a simple job, be a waitress or a cashier. Forget my work goals.

someone puts you down , they have a problem, not you

I didn’t feel like doing anything but I had a girlfriend I hadn’t seen in a long time who was in town.
I felt like crap but I wanted to see her.
I just hoped I wouldn’t burst into tears.

We sat. We talked. I told her I was upset, and possibly emotionally unstable.
She listened and helped me see the other angle.

The logical side of me knew I shouldn’t let this guy pull me down and make me feel so bad about myself and my accomplishments.
But his judgement cut so deep.

This is what great friends do. They support you.
Today, my girlfriend saved the day and helped pick me up while I crumbled.
My girlfriend told me to look at all the things I had accomplished in a variety of areas.
So the guy refused to recognize it. So what? The fact was I had achieved so many things
She told me to believe in myself.

I told her about a project I’ve been working on.
She told me to stop downplaying it and be proud of it.
Instead of saying it’s just a small project, own it and say I’m spreading the message for this organization as their spokesperson.

I don’t think she quite realized how badly and deeply I was hurting.
Because of course, I downplayed that too.
I hadn’t seen her in over a year and I was more excited to see her and didn’t want to dampen our meetup.

At this point, as I’m trying to type it out, I’ve forgotten most of what she said.
She made me feel better by helping me to recognize my talents and accomplishments.
She saved the day and gave me hope that I could work through it.
She probably won’t see this but I’m so thankful for her, her friendship and support.

I’m still hurting, but I’m feeling a little better.
Maybe I’ll be fine tomorrow.

What’s the moral of the story here?

1. Do not let them get to you (yeah, self, please take note…). Do not let them destroy you.
There are many mean bullies who will take advantage of their superior position to put you down.
Do you really want to let some bully you will not have anything to do with stop you from your progress? NO.

someone puts you down, it's their opinion. It's not a fact.

2. Reframe. Remind yourself of what you’ve accomplished, how far you have gotten.
Someone doesn’t recognize your value, but another person will.

Most of all, you must recognize your own value.
You need to believe in yourself to continue your journey to reach your goal.
How else can you convince someone else in your ability?

3. Have amazing friends who will support you through the tough times.
I’ve learned this the hard way.
I’ve struggled a lot recently and some friends I thought would be there for me turned out to be a great disappointment.
When you are walking in the dark, you’ll find out who will be there to help you, encourage you, and support you.
The ones who will help you see yourself in a positive light instead of making you feel worse than you feel.
I’m so thankful for the few friends who have helped and support me. They will probably not read this.
But I’m so glad they are in my life and I’m so thankful for them.

Good Friends support and encourage each other

When you are going through a rough patch, You’ll find out who are your friends — the people who will support you and encourage you

Has someone put you down or marginalized your contribution at work?
Share what did you do and how you got over the pain?

Today’s Something Good I’m Thankful For

I previously posted about how there’s something good in every day.
Especially when it’s one of those bad days,
it’s all the more important to find just 1 good thing to be thankful for.

I like to remind myself of this Especially on a rough day. Look for the good and smile. You will get through it!

I like to remind myself of this
Especially on a rough day. Look for the good and smile.
You will get through it!

I’ve been stressed recently as I mentioned because of a project I’m discussing about.

Since I wrote that post, I’ve been walking around for the past few days with this immense pressure and stress over my head because of the absurdly high demands placed on the project.

The requirements are so crazy high, it feels unreasonable.
It’s one of those situations I hate. I feel people are putting up an absurdly high bar that can’t be reached.

I decided to reach out to 2 friends about it.
And they both took the time to talk to me about it, think about it and offer their thoughts, philosophy & perspective.

The underlying issue still exists, but on these days, boy
I’m sure SO THANKFUL for my friends who will take the time and effort from their day to talk to me and comfort me.

This is when you know you have good friends. I’m so thankful for them.  ❤

So that’s my 1 good thing I’m thankful for.

In the meanwhile, I need to work on handling the pressure and stress so it doesn’t affect me this much.

Not easy but I’m working on it.

This is what my friend told me & I’ll try to keep it in mind
— Eat the anxiety & worry, don’t let it eat me. Run after it and tell it to go away

How’s your day going? What’s your 1 good thing today?

good friends take time to listen to you

Good Friends Make Life Brighter!

Affected by Situation Outcome. What do You do when you’re Nervous, Anxious?

Every time I think I’m to write a quick short post, it never turns out that way.
I’m not sure if I should post this.

See, I started this blog as a place for humorous, fun, and good content.
Not to talk about what I’m worrying about or how I feel.
But more and more, I feel the draw to post when I’m feeling down, upset, or nervous.
I’ve mixed feelings about this as this isn’t what I want the blog to be about
While it gives you readers an understanding of what I’m facing and adds to authenticity, I’m not sure how much you all want to read about this and I don’t want to bore or annoy people.

I’m pretty affected so I’m just going to post about this. (and make it short and sweet)

There’s something that’s going on that’s making me nervous and anxious.
I’m nervous about how things will turn out and worried if the other person will take my suggestions or insist on theirs.

I hope they will be as generous as possible and they will be understanding of me and my situation.

But there is always the possibility people will strong arm their way through and have a “Take it or Leave it” attitude.

I know worrying about how someone is going to react and feel doesn’t solve or improve a situation.
But it still impacts me and makes me anxious and nervous because this is important to me.

I have a lot of other things to get done in the meanwhile but I’m finding it hard to focus and there’s this knot in my stomach.
I’m feeling little colorful jumping jelly beans inside me.
I promised you it would be short AND SWEET =) Jelly Beans are Sweet.

Anxiety, Nervous, Jumping Jelly Beans, Knot in Stomach

The most positive way I can describe this is I’m feeling a knot in my stomach and am nervous. Maybe there are jelly beans jumping inside me…

What do you do and how do you cope when you are nervous or anxious?
I tried pressing into 2 pressure points on my hand
(left edge of the wrist & flesh between the thumb and second finger)
but they are not helping to reduce my anxiety about the situation.

I’m going to write a letter to the person I’m speaking to about the situation and see if that will help.
Updates later.

Send me any advice & good wishes that the situation will turn out well for me!
Tell me how you feel about these types of post.
If the feedback is “Stop posting how you feel, no one cares!”, I won’t post such topics.
Just let me know =)

Thanks a million! ❤

Related Links

Stress Relief Tip: Don’t Think the Worse of a Situation, It Often Works Out

I’ve been nervous for the past few hours.
I don’t know if it’s because it’s 9/11 and thus sub-consciously, I’m more alert, anxious, nervous.
Who can forget the day. It’s clear as day in my mind.
I don’t want to see any movies about it.

So maybe it’s because I’m a little more on edge.
Today, like most of my days, everything takes way too long to get done.

Or maybe I’m just inefficient or a worry wort and worry my tasks to the ground.
(Unfortunately you can’t worry tasks or anything away. If that were the case, worrying would actually be productive!)

I needed to tell someone they reversed the scheduling on one of my jobs.
I’ve been putting off emailing them as I’m afraid how they will react.
I keep worrying the Operations Admin woman  might get all irritated and upset with me and blame it on me when I’ve in fact told her about this scheduling mix up 2 months ago.

In psychology, they call this Fatalistic Thinking.
Thinking the worse of a situation and snowballing the situation in your head.

Worrying-is-like-praying-for-what-you-dont-want

So many hours later, after much worry and angst, I emailed both the Operations Admin and my colleague informing them of the mix up and for my colleague to confirm she can work on the day we discussed.

I’ve been agonizing about it.
I finally dug up the courage to check my email.
My colleague replied she could work that day as I had discussed with her.
I had a sigh of relief when I saw that and my stress levels went down.
I haven’t heard back from the Operations Admin but I feel this will limit any angry yelling from her since the schedule is all sorted out.
Phew.

It wasn’t as bad as I thought!
The moral of the story: Thinking the worst of a situation only stresses yourself up for nothing. Don’t over-worry about the other person’s reaction,
especially if it’s something you’ve taken care of previously.
We often think the worse of a situation, when it usually turns out fine with much less drama than we imagine!

Now I need all of you to remind me weekly of this very good piece of advice

Let's worry less & enjoy the moments more!

Let’s worry less & enjoy the moments more!

Every Day May Not Be a Good Day, But There’s Something Good in Every Day!

I’m exhausted, tired out.
Worse part is there is SO MUCH MORE to get done.

I’m not sure how I’m going to do it all
and it upsets me when I feel I can’t get it all done.

I’m not in the greatest of moods.
Then I came across this piece of wisdom which I’m going to remind myself of every time I’m sullen.

“Every day may not be good, but there’s something GOOD in every day”
I’m going find 1 thing good every day – whether I’m in a cheerful mood or grumpy.
I’m sure there is always 1 good thing that happens every day for most of us.
Let’s acknowledge and appreciate it!

I like to remind myself of this Especially on a rough day. Look for the good and smile. You will get through it!

I like to remind myself of this
Especially on a rough day. Look for the good and smile.
You will get through it!

Have a GREAT day Ahead! SMILE! =)

You’ll be Happier Living Your Life, Doing what Fulfills You

Saying “I am a VP at Google” is bound to get admiration and approval from other people you interact with .

Being able to say you have a insert big title  at  Famous Company
will no doubt make you a success in most people’s eyes.
Go to a cocktail party and every one will label you successful, accomplished.
Go on a date, you’ll be seen as achieving, smart.
Make new friends at the gym and they will be impressed.

Yes, yes, yes. There is a lot of positive reinforcement to achieving career success.
It is a good thing.

But is that the only indicator of success & self worth?

Does your job make you truly happy in your heart?
Not the money or fame you get but the actual job.
Happier than doing what you love?
Happier than spending time with the people you love?
Do you know what you love doing?

There is more to life than your job.
Life is more than getting a huge title at big company.

Doing what fulfills you, what is important to you may mean
making unconventional choices and taking an unpopular path in life.
Others will judge you.
Don’t let their superficial judgement make you feel less about yourself.
Do what fulfills you, what makes you happy.
You’ll be happier living your life than someone else’s life.
You can skip to the illustrated story here. or keep reading…. =)

“Live a good life. And in the end it’s not the years in a life, it’s the life in the years.”
Abraham Lincoln

If you have a passion, nurturing and staying connected to that passion is important.
It keeps you motivated and happy.

You might have a great business idea, a better way to do something, a superior product.
And you decide to leave that comfortable corporate job to start your company doing just that.

Maybe you have a family and you realize how quickly the kids are going to grow up
even if they are a handful and take up so much of your time now.
You may want to consciously spend enough time with them before they reach the age
where they only want to hang out with their friends and lock themselves up in their room.

Hopefully you have a list of things you’d like to do or learn.
When I spoke to someone about leaving their job (which was making them miserable),
the person exclaimed “What would I do with all that time?”
I felt sad for the middle aged person who lived long enough,
had gotten all the big titles at a major company but was empty inside and had no interests.

If you’re middle aged and have nothing you want to try or learn or interests to pursue,
You have no idea who you are or what you are about.
You just chased the other rats in the rat race and got ahead.

Some of us in a moment of revelation or sign of insanity, take a plunge
and decide other parts of our life are important enough
to break away from the lemming masses running over themselves to get the bigger title, better job.

If you are one of those people, Good for you. Keep doing it!
Don’t let others who snub you get you down.

If you have a dream of someday doing something others call “crazy” ,

Keep working on it and when the time is ripe, make your dream happen!
It’s not going to be easy but take a deep breath, find the people who will support you (those are your true friends) and go for it.

The trouble is most measure and judge others by their jobs and tittles.
They see it as the main sign of how successful, wealthy, and accomplished you are.
They fail to understand there is much more to life than the job or title.

Of course, such people only want to associate with successful, wealthy people.

Why waste time with people who won’t benefit you by introducing you to
other important people or throwing you a piece of business?

That person who chose to pursue a passion that pays little.
They are nothing, unimportant, possibly a failure.

Well, REALLY?

Over the weekend, I had to tolerate such people around a dinner table.
They didn’t want to talk to me, and give me the evil eye every time I said something.
In their eyes, because I no longer had a big title, I was inferior and a failure and they made that very clear.
I’ve seen them a couple of times and they’ve snubbed me.

Did it hurt? sure.

I told myself, I wasn’t going to let their superficial values and judgement cloud my own sense of self worth.
Even though I was stuck at that dinner table for hours, I chose to enjoy my food and drinks.
I laughed the night away, I spoke to people who seemed to mind less (I was in a superficial crowd).
I amused myself. Amusing yourself is always a good skill.

We all have different circumstances,
we grapple with different sorrows in our life that nobody knows
.
We battle with different challenges that others do not understand.
Others do not understand our pain or moments of despair.
We have different passions, different priorities.
Some are narrow minded, some see the bigger picture.

Despite not knowing you personal situation, these people want to judge you and your life
based on their narrow, superficial criteria.

Don’t let external disapproval make you feel less about yourself.
In fact, having the courage to take an unconventional path is more than these people will understand.
Just because others view you with disdain doesn’t mean you have to take on their negative view about yourself.
They may snub you in your face, lift your head up high.
Know why you are doing the things you choose, accept the limitations of the situation.
Remember what you love about what you are doing and your goal,
whether it’s completing your first novel or staying home to look after the kids.

It doesn’t matter where you are in your life. Life has its ups and downs.
Anyone who doesn’t understand that and fails to have compassion,
will one day learn that very lesson the hard way and
find the like-minded superficial company they keep abandon them as well.

Even if you’ve lost your job or are in a less ideal job,
use that time to do other things you love, things that bring you joy.
It doesn’t have to cost money.
It can be as simple as spending more time with the kids,
borrowing that book you always wanted to read, learning a new hobby/skill.

Look for training and development programs where you can improve your skills
or learn about that area you always wanted to.
Keep living, find the things that make you happy and,
keep persevering to get to where you want to.

To live a meaningful life and do what you love,
You may make unconventional choices and take an unpopular path in life.
Others will judge you.
Don’t let their superficial judgement make you feel less about yourself.
Do what fulfills you, what makes you happy.
You’ll be happier living your life than someone else’s life.

Do what you love, Live your life, Be happier

Do what you love, Live your life, Be happier

imgur.com/gallery/V6KoHbF

Comfort Food is like Cocaine, Just not Fatal! Eating Healthy is Hard Work!

You see pictures of celebrities who look amazing, they talk about their healthy lifestyle.
You read about  their healthy eating habits to find tips and nuggets so you can live healthier.

It’s inspirational to proclaim “OK I’m going to eat and live healthy too!”

For me, it was a way of life of choosing to eat and live healthier.
I’m fully aware i’m not going to look anywhere close to Gwyneth Paltrow even if I succeed at living healthier.
Because she works out a minimum of 2 hours a day. That’s completely not happening for me.

Gwyneth looking amazing in a daring side sheer dress!

Gwyneth looking amazing in a daring side sheer dress!

For Gwyneth, her healthy eating means no red meat, no diary, no sugar, no white processed carbs.

Do you know HOW DIFFICULT that is when you live in the real world?
(or maybe have issues with self control…)
If you’re attempting to live healthier and finding it close to impossible, know that the rest of us mortals struggle with it too!
You’re not alone. Don’t feel bad because you can’t adhere to your healthy plan.

Celebrities have personal chefs who will conjure up yummy dishes with enough variety to accommodate these dietary limits.
You and I do not have a personal chef to buy the ingredients and whip up yummy meals daily based on such a restrictive diet.

I find the best way to eat healthy, is to prepare and cook fresh food.
That way, I know exactly what goes into the dish.
Every time I try to eat clean or healthy, even if it’s just for a day, I find it challenging and stressful to buy healthy food.
If I’m eating clean or healthy, that means it has to be cooked at that point, not pre-cooked or a frozen vegetarian meal.
That’s filled with chemicals which defeats the purpose.

If you work or  look after kids or family with plenty of things to get done throughout the day,
you’ll likely identify with me. We’re pressed for time!

Buying fresh ingredients all the time is time consuming.
Many times, by the time I’m done with the day, the supermarket is closed or
I’m way too tired to haul myself to get fresh food.
After a long day, you still have to cook and wash up. Which easily takes an hour.
And if you have kids or other people you need to take care of, you’ll be even more pressed for time.

Yesterday I was running multiple errands and I didn’t get done till 11pm.
I STILL hadn’t had dinner. I was starving, famished.

The easiest thing to do would have been to open a packet of instant noodles
(which I do enjoy the taste of, probably because of all the chemicals and MSG in there!)
and dump some frozen vegetables into it and call it a meal.

I decided I had to make the effort to eat healthy and put my intention to practice.
Eating healthy takes effort. It takes time. Healthy food doesn’t magically appear!

Chemical ladened instant noodles would not do!
So, I cooked. At 11pm at night.

I abhor eating late at night.
The smart thing to do if you have to eat that late, is to stick to vegetables and proteins and minimize carbs.
I had chicken meat frozen in the freezer, it would have taken too longer to thaw.
I needed to eat NOW.

Next best thing? Pasta. Sigh. Major CARBS!!
So I whipped up Mushroom cream pasta. *gulp*
At least it was vegetarian?

Mushroom Pasta at Midnight!

Mushroom Pasta at Midnight!

Totally sinful and not even as delicious as what I would have eaten at a restaurant.
By the time I was done cooking and washing up, it was midnight.
Yes, it took an hour to prep the food (dicing, chopping etc), cook, and wash dishes.

I finally ate at midnight.
If I had a personal chef and a huge kitchen well stocked with food,
I’m sure he could have cooked up  healthy grilled chicken or a salad.
Well, I don’t have either.

As the night wore on, I got the urge to snack.
My first instincts was Cheetos =)

I spoke sternly to my comforted-by-junk-food self.
“No junk food! Eat healthy!”
I got an apple and ate that.
Which should have been enough.
Except for many of us, part of the challenge in living healthier is changing our habits and leaving our comfort zone.

For many of us, eating is a comfort zone.
It bizarrely makes us feel safe, comforts us.
It makes us feel we can get through the paper or report we are having difficulty writing and is due tomorrow.
Cheetos, Sour Cream & Onion chips, Ice cream, desserts all make me happy.
If i’m working late into the night, feeling stressed,
opening a bag of cheddar chips inexplicably makes me feel safer, that I can get my work done.

Desserts make me feel better. Always!

Desserts make me feel better. Always!

Psychologists will tell you it has to do with the reward system wired in our brain such that when we eat junk food or engage in activities we are used to doing, our brain gets used to such behavior and releases dopamine.
Dopamine makes us happy.
If you use drugs like cocaine and weed, you brain releases dopamine too.
That’s what makes you remember how happy you felt and so you repeat the act.
Which means, Junk Food is like the Non-Fatal version of Deadly Drugs.

After I got done with the apple, I was still feeling twitchy.
I didn’t have the comfort dopamine rush of eating chips.

Still, I tried to resist.
I had some cheese puffs from the weekend. So I heated those up and ate them.
At least they were healthier than chips!

Soft Cheesey Cheese Puffs. MMMMMmmm

Soft Cheesey Cheese Puffs. MMMMMmmm

Right now, I’m still eying those chips sitting within arm’s reach from me.
Let me tell you how exhausting it is to eat healthy and resist the chips and all the temptations.
Cooking at 11pm, eating healthy snacks, resisting old familiar habits all require a lot of hard work in physical and mental effort.

Eating healthy sounds simple, it isn’t.
It takes A LOT of hard work and effort, especially at the beginning because it involves changing deep-seated habits.

I get very annoyed when people with domestic help, do not work, or are wealthy thump their noses down on the difficulty people with real, everyday lives have in developing a healthy lifestyle.
It greatly annoys me.

I had someone say dismissively,
“It’s easy to eat and live healthy, it’s just whether you want to!
If you don’t, blame yourself.”

People like her do not understand the reality of it.
It pisses me off when wealthy people who do not work tell me how easy it is to get something done.

When you have had a long day, sometimes you come back and it’s too tiring to cook a healthy meal.
If you go out to eat, try finding a dish that has minimal processed food, without pre-made items, or preservatives.
Chances are it’s all been processed in some factory at some point and they are cooking it with a massive amount of cheap oil and too much salt.

Eat at healthy organic, raw food restaurants every day?
Sounds great — if you can afford it.
A meal at such places will easily cost a min of $40 a meal.
That’s $1200 a month just for dinner per person.

The least expensive food options are generally sandwiches or pasta (filled with mayo and cheap filling).
Not exactly filled with healthy protein and vegetables.

Buy organic, sure. It costs a premium.
Cook a proper meal, that’ll be another hour.
When you are living in the real world with pressures and deadlines, who has much time to cook?

So if you’re trying to eat and live healthy, keep trying.
It’s a process for me. I fall off the bandwagon all the time.
Don’t stop trying!

Real life has its demands and financial resources are limited.
Do what you can.

Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about yourself for not being to eat healthy all the time.
If you have tips to eating and living healthy, share your tips with us!

My goal for today, a seemingly simple but tiring one. Avoid the Chips!

Here’s tips on how to keep fit in your 30s, 40s, 50s.
(If you’re in your teens or 20s, you’re incredibly fit, ENJOY LIFE!!!=))

http://edition.cnn.com/2013/08/20/health/fitness-any-age/index.html?sr=fb082013fitatanyage12p

When Exhaustion & To Do Lists Collide…

Depending on where you are in the world, you’re either starting or wrapping up the weekend.
Bewitched, Bothered & Bewildered, you may be
Exhausted, Defeated & Irrate am I

Yeah that would describe my state pretty accurately.

I’m feeling very tired because I have been sleeping poorly the last few days.
When I’m tired, as much as I try to be patient, I’m not the most tolerant.

Consecutive days of tiredness means increasing impatience.
Yeah. Not pretty.

I’m tired and feeling I’m constantly not doing enough.
The list of To Dos grows faster than I can clear them because I’m so damn slow at getting things done.
I don’t mean errands (though they take up a lot of time) like washing the dishes or laundry.
I mean To Dos that are related to my work and income.
It has a direct hit because the slower I am, the fewer projects I get and the less I earn.

I can’t tell you why it takes me so long to get things done. I wish I could explain it but it just does.
It’s frustrating and defeating.

I was planning to clear a large chunk of my To Do List today.
Instead, I ended up having to do multiple errands that took alot of time.
When I finally got home, I was planning to sit down and check off the To Do List.

Nope, no such luck.
I just spent an hour on the phone trying to make some changes to my bank account.
It was incredibly frustrating trying to get the customer service rep to help me and then being directed to the self-service prompts which STILL did NOT work.
It finally worked an HOUR later. By then, I was all irritated and huffing.

Add to that, I’m trying to set up my Triberr account but it’s not cooperating and doesn’t seem to work well with Firefox. =(. More Upsetting.

There are so many posts I’m half way writing/editing.
I’m frustrated I don’t get to update this as much I would like.
How do people do this?? Plenty of people manage to write often and daily even with a job.

HOW am I NOT able to do it too?

Being tired, sleep deprived, are all good ingredients to accentuate one’s feeling of being defeated and hopelessness (How am I EVER going to get all this done?!?!).

Right now I feel I’m hopping after a high speed train and falling terribly behind at the risk of being run over by the next train.
I have no confidence I can actually clear the To Do List anytime soon.
I’ve tried to clear it for 3 weeks. And I’m STILL trying to clear it.

I was hoping to clear half the list today because I have an early start tomorrow and at least half the day if not the full day will be occupied. I have only got ONE measly thing done. SIGH

Sometimes, your feelings lie.

Well. maybe.

In this case, I know rationally, I’m feeling worse than I should be because I’m exhausted and sleep deprived.
The other part is the fact remains that I’m incredibly slow at completing what I need to do.
I need to find a way to speed up. I don’t know how yet. I don’t have brilliant insights as yet.
If you have stories, encouragement, and tips, I’d love to hear them!

Wherever you are, grab the last of the weekend and I hope you’re enjoying much more than I am.
In fact, go enjoy it and post me a picture or comment on what you’re doing =)

 

Held Back by Procrastination? Beat it! Achieve your Goals!

If your To Do list multiplies faster than you can check them off,

If you find yourself saying “Darn, I really wanted to get that done, why didn’t I get it done? I wish I completed it”

Chances are you’re dealing with some procrastination issues not because you want to but because there are other factors lurking.
You may be afraid of not doing a good enough job, you may be overwhelmed.
The worries that are holding you back are endless.

What’s important to remember is Just Start.
1. However small. Take the first step. and force yourself to do the first action to initiate your task/goal.
2. Break the task up into multiple smaller tasks and tell yourself you just need to get 1/5 done.
Not so scary right?

3. Commit to doing it for at least 15 minutes.

Chances are by the time you’ve picked up your pen or started typing on your computer, worked on it for 15 minutes, and gotten 1/5 done, you’ll be in the zone to keep on going to complete 1/2 or the entire task.

If you haven’t, it’s perfectly fine.
You’ve made progress. You’ve started on it.
Keep going and You’ll get it done!

Action gets things done. Waiting for the right mood does not.
(I should absolutely follow my own advice and insights….) =P

Just Start Take the first step to do the task!

Just Start
Take the first step to do the task!

Other tips to getting things done

4. Schedule time to get that evasive goal completed. Set aside chunks of time to do the same/similar things. For example, block out an hour for email rather than interrupting your other tasks to reply to 1 email. Conversely, this ensures you do not spend your entire day answering emails. (unless that’s your job or goal)

5. Get a (very good) friend to keep track of your progress.  There are professional coaches and therapists who can play this role but not everyone has the health coverage or finances to use professionals.

I’ve found that having a very good and committed friend works just as well if not better because you do not have to wait for that weekly meeting.

Tell your friend your goal and create a plan that breaks it up into smaller steps and the deadline for each step.
Get your friend to check in on you frequently. Daily is great!

If you don’t do it or have issues like procrastination, tell your friend s/he should put pressure, motivate and yell at you and keep tabs on you. Sometimes you just need tough love. =)

If you can, find a licensed psychologist who can help you with what you’re dealing and struggling with.

Whatever it is, KEEP DOING, Keep Trying, Don’t Give Up!
Love Yourself, Don’t Blame Yourself. Tell yourself you will do better next hour or tomorrow.
You will get there!

Baby Steps to Breaking Bad Habits, Hitting Goals!

Recently, I’ve had days where I was nervous, jumpy, stressed and altogether, not exactly a ball of happy or healthy.

The sleep deprivation from working on multiple projects having to stay up late (as in really late, such as 4am late) and waking up early hasn’t helped I’m sure. With a crazy schedule, I haven’t been able to eat well and have had dinner at 11pm on a few nights this week which consisted of salad, canned soup or sandwich. 11pm is somewhat late for dinner in my opinion. There are some potential changes on the horizon and thus decisions have to be made which  has caused minor stress and nervously about what to do and how it’s going to work out. So, all of these things have probably caused me to feel nervous, jumpy, stressed out for those days.

Tell me what your automatic reflex is when you are in that state? (Assuming you have these days as well as I’m not the only one…). For me, my automatic comfort is to curl up in a corner or in bed and wish it all away.

Yeah. As you can imagine that doesn’t work out very well because things don’t get done or settled on their own. And it’s not an option when I have a whole long to do list to get done.

I know I can’t curl up under my duvet and let the magic broomsticks do the work. But sometimes in the midst of nerves and stress, I can get caught in bad habits. Examples? I reach out for Sour Cream and Onion chips or chocolate or ice cream for comfort. And I project my determination to get things one on my snack. I keep reach in  and eating till it’s all gone. Project accomplished!

Uhrm no... I do not know what happened... I blacked out... I don't remember anything... I take the Fifth

Uhrm no… I do not know what happened… I blacked out… I don’t remember anything… I take the Fifth

Well, maybe not the original project…. but the temporary feeling of polishing off an entire bag of chips or chocolate bar on your own does create a sense of accomplishment.

Then there’s the dread and guilt that sets in.
No this is not going to turn into a bulimic story.

Here’s a baby step to stop whatever bad habit you’re trying to change.

#1 The moment you catch yourself doing whatever your habit is, break it immediately by standing up, walking away and just changing your position. Distract yourself, go to the bathroom, get a glass of water, take a shower. Just get out of that position.

Don’t tell yourself “Just 1 more chip, just 1 min more of nail biting, just 1 more sanitizing wipe…”

If you let yourself have 1 more, there will be 2, 3 ,4 and many more.

If you keep doing the same action or harboring the same thought for more than 30 secs, you’ll likely get sucked into a repetitive loop and keep engaging in the habit or have the same unhelpful thoughts circling in your head. It’ll get increasingly comforting because you are used to doing the habit or telling yourself the same thoughts and the cycle continues and you’ll keep on doing it.

The longer you let yourself engage in the behavior, the more set you’ll be and harder to stop it after you’ve devoured an entire bag of chips *guilty look*!

You’re not going to succeed every time and it’s ok. But TRY every time and ;let’s  try to break out bad habits together very soon!

The Moment you catch yourself, just STEP AWAY Do something else

The Moment you catch yourself, just STEP AWAY
Do something else

When I’m nervous, jumpy and stressed, I sometimes also feel slightly shell shocked and feel stressed and overwhelmed by the mountain of things I need to complete.

#2 Here’s a baby step to hitting your goal.

If you are procrastinating or not in the mood to do it, take that first step (it’s always the hardest) and just tell yourself “I will just write 1 sentence, I will just wash the dishes for 2 minutes, I will just send out 2 resumes.”

You might find it easier to get started as it seems like a more reasonable task, less daunting, and you’ll feel less pressured to get a mountain load done.

Just 2 Mins, and You'll find yourself finishing it. Starts are the hardest!

Just 2 Mins, and You’ll find yourself finishing it. Starts are the hardest!

Once you start doing what ever it is for 2 minutes, you’ll likely have gotten into the mood and realize it is not that defying. After 2 minutes, people are prone to continue working on it so they can finish the project. That way you’ll have been hit your goal!

The hardest part is getting start. Give yourself a small easy goal. Once you get there, you’ll likely be motivated to finish it even if you didn’t feel like it in the first place.

#3  Errands and little things such as paying bills or clearing up your email often can be taken care of very quickly in under 2 minutes. Do it immediately. Don’t put it off till later because later always causes stress and traffic jams and can result in fines and even more stress.

That call you put off returning, you’ll feel bad the next day, worse the following day and by the end of the week you’ll be avoid your friend just because you didn’t simply call your friend immediately when you could have.

Remember Nike’s Slogan…

Just Do It -- Now.  Less to do later.

Just Do It — Now.
Less to do later.

So those are the 3 baby steps. I give good advice. If only I could implement it immediately.
Well I’m working on it…. Trying to break the habits, and reach the goals!

Remember, You’re Never Alone

I’ve had days, weeks or periods where I’ve been miserable where I felt everything was going wrong

You might know the frustration: some days, I’d wake up and nothing would go right the whole day!
When my coffee machine broke down on an already crappy day,
I felt nothing in my favor. Not even the simplest thing!

Even worse, I often feel completely alone during these crappy times
as I battle and fight to stay afloat with the problems I’m struggling with.

Whenever you’re having a crappy day or week or maybe you’re in a down patch in life right now.
Know that you are not alone.

Jenny started a very simple post that asked, “If you could wish for anything, what would you wish for?”
A very simple question.  I thought people would ask for more money, a big house, a nice dress etc.

Instead, most readers opened their souls and the responses were much deeper.
Many asked for better health, to be happier, to be rid of their demons, for their dreams to be fulfilled, for their debts to be cleared.

Reading through the things everyone wished for, I could tell enough about their struggles.
Many of which are health, happiness, unemployment, financial woes.

As I read through their struggles, I recognized in theirs, my own struggles and problems.
The ones that made me feel so isolated and down.

Through this, I somehow felt connected to everyone else who posted. In fact, many of us felt connected.
I didn’t feel alone: there were all these other people with the same problems I had.
It wasn’t just ME. The problem wasn’t ME.

So if you’re having a crappy day or dealing with issues and you feel isolated, know that you are not alone.
There are many of us out there with similar problems.

The beauty of the internet is it allows us to connect to others: To know we are not alone in our struggles,
to find support and love from others even if they are a thousand miles away,
so we can get through the gloom and see the sun.

So, let’s share.    What would you wish for?

Travel Dreams

I love traveling. Traveling to major cities, beach resorts, less popular places.

The first group are the usual suspects: NYC, London, Paris etc.

What I like to do is visit less popular places to see how they live, soak in the beauty of the land, appreciate the history and buildings of the past. I’ve always wanted to see Central Asia, Russia, the eastern countries of Europe, Bhutan, Nepal, So many places to explore and see how differently people live.

It’s been on my list for many years and I don’t feel I can make those trips yet for many reasons both financial and personal circumstances. I’d be happy to be able to take a short beach vacation and getaway in the near term.

Clear water, white sand. Ah! I'm dreaming about it!

Clear water, white sand.
Ah! I’m dreaming about it

I haven’t taken a vacation in years. No. that’s not fun or advisable. I encourage people to take vacations. It’s good for you.

Now if only i followed my own advice A LOT MORE!

Even though I can’t travel around, I’m doing so vicariously!

Check out the colorful, bold pictures and journey of a couple traveling to off beaten areas and seeing the local life! I really love the collection of pictures that capture the artistic quality of the places (houses, places of worship, landscape) and the everyday pictures of life in each village. http://powredford.tumblr.com/Georgia2

Where’s the next place you’d love to visit?

Low on Survival Instincts

Very honestly, I do not have the best survival instincts — unless we’re talking about ball sports where my instinct is to run away from the rapidly speeding ball lest I get hit by it.

Every now and then I inadvertently do things that in hindsight were not a good idea and life threatening to some degree.

So, let’s get to my latest deed.

I was having a chunky fish and vegetable soup and as I scooped it i saw half a fish in it. I figured out I could eat the fish.

Deadly fish soup...

Murderous fish soup…

I took one bite of the fish and felt a bunch of long, fine bones, more than 10 bones. It was one of those super bony fishes. I’m bad with bones and fish in general.

Survival instincts would have dictated I spit it ALL out.

But since I’m low on Vitamin Survival, I tried to separate out the bones in my mouth and threw out the bones and swallowed the rest.

Bad. Idea.

Which only hit me AFTER i swallowed the meat and bones.
This is what happens when you are low on survival instincts.
The obvious is not that clear.

I felt the bones in my throat and tried to cough it out to no avail.
The worse part? I did this once before. I thought there was a bone in the fish meat but figured it was just a hard grain of rice and swallowed it. At which point I realized, UH OH, that WAS a BONE!fish bone

I don’t feel the bone in my throat now but am a little freaked out and hoping nothing bad happens like any tears to my oesophagus or digestive tract.
I sigh at my own stupidity and lack of survival instincts.
This is not good. Assuming you are trying to stay alive.

If anyone has advice on this fish bone swimming around in my digestive system, please leave me a comment or note!

Happy Sunday, Enjoy your day & most importantly, stay alive.

Let me cook for you, my dear…

While watching TV…
Me: Hmm. I kind of miss being able to cook for a boyfriend…

Friend: Yeah. You mean you miss being able to cook at all…

Me: I cook!…. every now and then…

Friend: Sure. Of course you do. You cook and it’s a good outcome when no pots get burned and no fires engulf the kitchen…

Me: I’ve never burned a house down from cooking!

Friend: Great. It’s better if you don’t cook. And it’s not like you’d cook for a guy. HOW many times have you attempted to poison a boyfriend that way?

Me: I like the idea of having a boyfriend that I could hypothetically cook for… it’s sweet and romantic… and I didn’t poison any boyfriends!!

Well, there was that once I offered to cook for a guy I liked… except that it was really more of a threat…
I told him how I screwed up Carbonara a bunch of times and it ended up as soggy scrambled eggs in pasta.

Even i can't bear to eat my failed Carbonara

Even i can’t bear to eat my failed Carbonara

And after telling that story, I offered to cook him dinner…. It worked brilliantly.
He kept saying no. So i didn’t have to cook in the end. Which I didn’t want to anyway. I just wanted to offer and make sure my offer wasn’t taken up. Thank god he wasn’t suicidal.

That was quite amusing I must say. I still chuckle when i think of that. Brilliant me.

Skeptical Hope

Hollywood is great at making series/movies that for attracts us for different reasons.

Sometimes, I stay glued to the TV because what I’m watching gives me hope.
Hope — that love is just around the corner, that life will get better, that things will work out (it usually does in Hollywood). As I’m writing this, it seems ironic to say Hollywood makes shows that give us hope. because it’s usually associated with fake,  false, and staged.

I was watching an episode of Enlightened (HBO) and I sat there continuing to watch it cos it gave me hope and IDEAS.  It put the idea in my head of “Hmm maybe i should just call a guy and tell him I want to see him. Maybe that’ll make everything easier!” Yeah sure.

Let me give you an example of the hope Hollywood gave me vs. reality.

Hollywood Version

Amy: I was thinking of you and I miss you. How about coming over tonight?

Guy: Uhrm coming over? to your side? Uhrm, Ok sure, how about I come about 6 and pick you up for dinner?

Real Life

Me: hey I was thinking of you… How about meeting up sometime this week?

Guy: uhrm, i’m not free bye. (proceeds to run away)
I’d like to emphasize this actually happened. I did that before I watched this episode. So even though i was slapped in the face by the guy, this episode made me feel like I should somehow crazily do it again.

Hollywood Version

Amy: It’s so good to see you

Guy: It’s so good to see you too.

Real Life

Me: It’s so good to see you
Guy: Uhm ok. I gotta go (runs away)
Me: But you just got here…
Guy: (Speeds up and runs faster)

You get the idea.

So yes. While I was watching the episode, it was somehow moving. And that’s NOT the word most people would use to describe Enlightened. If I had to describe it I’d use words like “strange, awkward, trainwreck”. So just to be clear, it’s not some heart warming series.

But yeah it felt good watching that exchange.
Clearly, the effect is short lived since I’m sitting here writing (skeptically) about how badly the real life version would turn out. =P

But hope is wonderful. It’s great. Until it comes crashing down. Like a sugar high.
The solution? Drink more hope, eat more sugar. Don’t ever crash. Keep the high going.

Stay High, Keep Eating Sugar

Stay High, Keep Eating Sugar

My condition IFPBM… Preventing me from getting things done

How is everyone’s weekend going? Tell me the fun things you’re doing or the crazy things that happened.
I want to hear it!  Every now and then, I’m afraid of stupid, absurd, silly things…

I can’t get things done because I have IFPBM. (pronounced as if-pam). Haven’t heard of it? Keep reading. I’ll fill you in. It’s a fairly common condition among the general population and usually not life threatening but can be very serious in certain cases where it disrupts simple life tasks. In the most serious cases, it renders  a person unable to do certain undesirable tasks. It may cause the person to freeze in the midst of attempting to do simple acts like taking out the trash, cleaning the bathroom, or reading emails. IFPBM can be stressful for the person and people around them and unfortunately there is no cure. It can result in difficulty in sleeping, increased stress levels, anxiety. I’ll tell you later on what helps relieve my IFPBM condition.

I have IFPBM There is no shame

I have IFPBM
There is no shame

The condition hits sufferers like myself every now and then. It is out of the blue and can’t be predicted, very much like an asthma attach. As it so happens, I was checking my email yesterday when IFPBM hit me. Sometimes, I suddenly got afraid of opening certain emails from actual humans (vs newsletters I subscribe to or Sephora promo emails because they can’t be telling me anything special). I’m afraid of what the email will say. I have no idea why I get scared of emails. What is it going to do? Eat me up?

This has happened often enough that I knew it was my IFPBM condition hitting me. So I spent yesterday staring at a few emails in my preview pane for an hour or so. Afraid to open the emails. not that I was expecting someone to say something mean or that it was some major life altering result in the email. I have no idea why I have this fear. Today, I opened my email and stared at it again. I didn’t want to engage in a confrontational staring match with the emails so I decided to write this post.

So I’m kind of (actually, I AM), procrastinating opening the emails and replying to them. As you can see, I have trouble getting things done sometimes…. *blushes* Sometimes it’s because I have irrational fears. Sometimes it’s because of procrastination.  (yeah, did you check out my other post about procrastination? It all seems to be linked to the same vague issue of #cantgetthingsdone)
All in all, it’s all *waves hand around* seems to be a bunch of problems.

I can’t get things done, I get stressed out, It keeps me from sleeping, and I get anxious about all the things that are piling up undone. Not Fun. As I mentioned earlier, there is no cure. The best way to deal with IFPBM is to engage in relaxing activities or things that make you happy and decrease your stress/anxiety. For me, that can range from having a cup of green tea, eating ice cream, eating chocolates, going out for a nice dinner.

So, I can’t get things done because I have IFPBM. (pronounced as if-pam). Haven’t heard of it? Don’t bother googling it. It stands for Irrational Fears, Procrastination, Blobbly Mess. I suspect many of you will recognize this in yourself. Can’t get your feet to take the trash out in Winter? IFPBM. Can’t get out of the couch to clean the bathroom? IFPBM.

So, the next time you can’t get yourself to do something, say “I have IFPBM. I need your support and understanding. It would help relieve my symptom if we _________ (went out for dinner/had sex/went for ice cream/whatever you enjoy doing).” There is no shame in acknowledging you are IFPBM.

BTW, before you ask your doctor about this condition and suspect you have it, please know that I just created this diagnosis. It’ll probably make its way into the 8th edition of the DSM. If you know what DSM is, you deserve a prize. Here’s a pat on the back! (If you don’t, it’s the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. It’s published by the American Psychiatric Association and lists conditions and the criteria a patient must exhibit to be classified as suffering from a certain psychiatric condition. They are suppose to release the 5th edition mid 2013. It’s also a sub-text subtle pun at how long they take to update the manual and factor in new conditions and symptoms.)

Remember, There is no shame in acknowledging you are IFPBM.
Band together IFPBMers!!! I hope this cracked up at least 1 person…. =)

ps: and now I need to get to reading those emails and replying to them and overcoming my IFPBM…

Update:
30 mins later, I have still not confronted those scary emails. I’ve been surfing through blogs reading what other people are doing. Must. muster up courage. and read emails. and reply. NOW.

2 hrs later, I finally faced the scary emails, read them, and replied to them. But it sure took alot longer than it should have. I’m not sure if I should yell at myself or pat myself on my back. That’s another condition I could add on to….

Happy Floating By!

Take Duck as a good example.
Duck is bright yellow with big black eyes and a happy smile (inferred).

It’s hard not to squeal and smile seeing the giant bright yellow duck floating along.
It’s comforting and brings warm happy thoughts (to most people). If you’re having a bad day, watching Duck float by will probably put you in a better mood and bring a smile to your face. That’s comfort. That’s the healing and beauty of art.

Art, in many forms, transcends cultures, languages, age, gender. That’s the beauty of art.
It warms the heart and brings together those of us who appreciate and love a piece of art.
It gives us something in common and unites us by bringing us together.

People might debate if this is really art, how creative is it to blow up something in the bathroom etc etc etc.
Art can be simple and easy to appreciate. What’s the point if something is so complex that only a few people can relate to it?

My point is, sometimes, it just needs to be as simple as something that people can enjoy.

Duck floating by at Victoria Habour against the sky scrapper backdrop of HK Island

Duck floating by at Victoria Habour against the sky scrapper backdrop of HK Island

Duck by Florentijn Hofman is currently making its way around HK as part of its global tour and was previously in Sydney. Hofman’s whimsical, contemporary public art works makes me think of Jeff Koon’s pieces, an artist whose works I enjoy very much. Duck  London

At 16.5m, Duck is 5 storeys tall, and the bright cheerful sight is easy for anyone to enjoy. As Hofman expresses, “The Rubber Duck knows no frontiers, it doesn’t discriminate people and doesn’t have a political connotation. The friendly, floating Rubber Duck has healing properties: it can relieve mondial tensions as well as define them.”

Yes, it brings a smile to my face. It makes people laugh, giggle, and smile. It’s healing alright. And you didn’t even need weed or prescription meds or junk food. Just a giant bright yellow duck floating along =)

Duck against the smoky air of HK and tightly packed apartments. It dwarfs the tugboat!

Duck against the smoky air of HK and tightly packed apartments. It dwarfs the tugboat!

It is however also a stark contrast against the grainy, smoky backdrop of certain parts of HK.
Therein, again, lies the beauty in an art piece as simple as this. The contrast highlights the cramped living conditions and polluted air of HK. Art is how you look at it. It’s about enjoying it, it’s about drawing you to think about the piece and its surrounding.

Have a bright, sunny day ahead!

Procrastination… What keeps us from doing the things we *plan* to do?

Hello all. Happy May!

WOW. Is it really May? I can’t believe it’s May. (that sounds trite)

I don’t want it to be May. That means 5/12th of the year is gone and I don’t feel i’ve gotten enough, or rather anything, done.

I know I’ve been terrible at blogging regularly. THere were so many times I had a great idea, something witty to post. But I’d say “I’m going to get ABC done and write that blog post as a reward.” or “I don’t want to boot up the laptop and I can’t write on the app…” Of course, ABC never got done because if it was easy to do, I wouldn’t have to bait myself with a reward of writing a blog post.

I REALLY wanted to write and update my blog. I do.  So, why the procrastination? What kept me from doing something I really wanted to do? What kept me from doing the things I *planned* to do?

Write a to dolist2Thing is there are always reasons. always excuses. In fact, they are often completely reasonable.
Take “I couldn’t do ABC because my family member was in the hospital.”

Perfectly reasonable. Except that when this goes on, it leads to a lot of possibly valid reasons for why nothing got done. As I’m writing this, I’m not sure where this is coming from because this is NOT the post I was intending to write! Maybe it’s my inner self sharing my own faults, or my inner self screaming freaking screaming for help (from you all) to save me from my faults.

The harsh reality is the world, life, and people don’t care about all those reasons, even if they are valid, if they are heartbreaking.

Most of the times we don’t get something done because we are avoiding it — consciously or subconsciously.
And, we are avoiding the item at hand because we are scared. Scared for whatever reason that you know very well deep in you. It may not be pleasant to admit, maybe you don’t want to admit you’re scared.

I know i’m scared. I don’t have someone I can admit this to. But I’m scared of more rejection, scared of how much worse things can become, scared of what i’ve become. Scared of so many things.

I know I need to help myself. I’m working on it. It isn’t smooth sailing, it isn’t easy. I fall and stumble and land in ditches, the abyss, fracture my soul, and a million more injuries. But I’m trying.
A thought came to my head today — I need to do something and help myself for God or anyone else to be able to help me. No one can help me if I hide in a corner and do nothing.

We procrastinate. We find reasons we can’t do ABC. We find other ways to make the time go by so we can say “Oh I couldn’t do ABC because ….”

Guy left the internet for a year.   Yes, there are a gazillion ways, apps, sites and silly videos that will distract you for a whole day if you wanted to.  There are also plenty of ways to while that time away in the physical world.

The fact is you don’t have to leave the internet for a year to get the things you want done.
We just need to face our fears and what we are scared of. Leave the safe, comfort zone that we’ve buried ourselves in and recognize staying there is getting us nowhere.

Slowly. take a step out, towards the things we want to achieve. It isn’t a straight line. It isn’t fast. But we just got to keep trying and working on it.

So let’s do this together. set out 1 thing we want to get  done. And let’s make that our goal for May.

Here we go… =)

The No Carb Diet Update…

(This kind of continues from yesterday’s diet story…)
I’m sure you’re all dying to hear the update on whether yesterday was truly a No Carb day….

We’ll save that for the last, because that’s what soaps/drama serials do… they save it for the next episode…

I just realized that whenever I decide to go on a diet, I set the limits of the diet (No Carbs, No Diary, No Alcohol, etc etc)
However, there’s something even more interesting I just realized today.
When I go on a diet, my head interprets it as “Warning: DON’T EAT!!!”
So while most normal people abstain from foods they are not suppose to eat, I on the other hand, try to abstain from eating completely. Other than coffee or tea – which just makes matters worse because you get dehydrated.
In my defense, I suppose simply Not eating at all produces faster results…
Well, that’s until you (or I) feel faint or get stomach pains… Which I get pretty often.
If you want a clue why, see above.

So today has started out this way… me trying not to eat till it hit me that I tend to do this when I’m on a diet.

Which means when i’m on a diet, it’s not really a diet, it’s more accurately described as “Unconscious Self Starvation”. (Don’t worry, I’m not in danger. *try* being the key word.
It never lasts long enough. After a few hours, I succumb to carbs, snacks, something unhealthy…)

As for the big question, was yesterday a No Carbs day?
YES!!! It Was!!! YAY!!!

ps: Unless you count the remaining buttery cookies I shoved into my mouth just before I went to sleep…
well, even if you count that, technically the day was carb free… We just ran off the cliff at night before bedtime.

if any of you are psychologists, feel free to analyze me… I need help. LOTS of help. Thank you in advance

Failed Diet, Carb Withdrawal and Why I Won’t Try Coke (the white kind…)

While I’ve been very silent (i.e., more silent than just silent), I’ve gotten A LOT of insights…
I have 2 weddings this week and I wanted to look my best in my slinky dress.
This started the 3 week goal of going to the gym twice a week (I’ve been once. where I felt faint after 30 mins)
And the no carb diet which I’ve failed miserably at – it went down faster than the speed of light.

But let me share my insights….

First, I got a glimpse of what it must be like to be a POW or innocent villager trapped in a jungle to avoid being tortured by invading troops and living without much food.

Hunger, although a self imposed state for me, makes you jittery, restless, and gives you terrible nightmares.
I cannot imagine what cocaine withdrawal must be like because Carb withdrawal is bad. Really bad.

Carbs were all I could think of – a huge plate of pasta constantly projected in the cinematic screen of my mind.

Batali Bolognese

Mario Batali makes my fav pasta. This is his Bolognese. It got me at hello

The pasta dishes flashed like a slide show: classic spaghetti bolognese with homemade tomato sauce stewed for hours finished with fresh basil and grated mozzarella cheese,
next: smooth carbonara fettucini weave with stir fried brown onions, sweet peas, sliced mushrooms and generous, crispy bacon
next: meaty mac & cheese baked in triple cheese and white wine with chicken and mushrooms and the perfect browned melted cheese top

You get the idea…

This entire slide show looped in my head while I curled up in a chair like an addict without carbs.

I couldn’t concentrate, went from computer to kitchen to fix tea, took a shower, back to the laptop, pacing the floor…

I was a complete grouch; I grunted, I snapped. I tried to the show the fangs which I did not have to get people to stop talking to me because it was all noise in my head. Unnecessary noise that I did not need!

I got headaches, I spent afternoons on the couch my head hurting from the torture of the carb slideshow, from being underfed.

and then, after putting myself through this for 3/4 of the day, I’d decide: This is TOO MUCH TO BEAR!!!
I’d locate the nearest plate of spaghetti and promptly gorge it all down with a satisfied glee like a Cheshire cat and curl up on the chair with total delight.

Till the guilt set in. I’d freak out at all the carbs I was NOT suppose to eat. I’d feel like a total failure: out of control and unable to do something as simple as abstain from carbs. WHAT kind of person can’t even abstain from carbs?!?! AND can’t get to the gym twice a week for just 3 weeks?!?!
Well, Me, of course. (and maybe you? tell me I’m not alone….)

So if this was what carb withdrawal felt like, I have no idea how bad cocaine withdrawal must be. It must feel like the world is ending. (Incidentally, while the Mayans predicted the end in a few days, I think it’s a total mistake. In the meanwhile, for good measure, please go out and eat more of the food you like. Just in case the world does end. Which I’m sure is totally false and a conspiracy rumor created by Duracell and canned food companies)

So on that note, I will not be trying coke anytime cos it would suck to go through coke withdrawal.
And we all know, all good things must come to an end: the coke supply will eventually run out.
Either because your dealer gets shot, you get arrested, or you simply run out of  cash.
Drinking champagne is a safer habit, less expensive, less painful and far more glamorous.
That’s my advice if you’re thinking of trying coke.

Back to the diet, the original point in case we’ve all forgotten.
Yesterday, I decided I was actually going to have NO CARBS dammit!
It was good – until someone innocently put a box of freshly baked cookies in front of me.
That was the end of no carbs. (yes cookies count as carbs….)
I stuffed my face with half a box of cookies…
In my friend’s defense, he did not know I was on a no carb diet.

Today, I woke up and told myself “TODAY WILL be carb free!!”
I went many tads too far and pretty much didn’t eat anything from the time I woke up.
I felt faint.
I was busy running errands and finally had a break for food and got a bowl of soup.
After soup, I felt better.
Insight: starving yourself can make you feel faint. #obvious insights
Huh. Who knew!!

My proud moment today? I walked past caramel popcorn…
I flipped through the manual of No Carbs diet to find an exclusion clause for caramel popcorn.
No such exclusion. Damn.
I walked away from caramel popcorn like a demure young lady.
I’m so proud of myself. Just imagine the thing I do everyday if I’m proud of this small act….

So, that’s my unsuccessful diet and carb withdrawal experience.
The last wedding is on Friday. I’m hoping to wear a bandage dress. I’m not sure how that will go…
Let’s see if I manage to go carb free for the next few days.
but OMG, I’m totally devouring a plate of pasta after Friday…

Not Betting My Life on Gym Goals

So, I said I was going to work on working out more as a way to welcome December

Let’s just say that December is being asked to stay in the corner and probably feeling unwelcome.

I certainly have worked out more — if you consider 1 time in 12 days more than 0 in months…
So. From That angle, I’m meeting my goal….

I went to the gym on Monday, after 30 minutes of stretching, I felt faint (Note: not a good idea to be on a diet and go to the gym at the same time I think). So, my only workout involved 30 minutes of stretching, another much more relaxing 30 minutes in the hot shower, followed by a light meal of turkey meat at 930pm.
Yes that other goal of eating early is so Not happening… Neither is the carb free attempt working out.

Still trying… How about you?

Protecting myself too much?

There was something in the stars yesterday that threw me out of balance…
and well, some truth serum involved…
But it was very uncharacteristic of me….
In the moment, I just gave in to it and told someone how I felt and my apprehensions.
I never, ever thought I would tell it but I did. I guess It didn’t feel as risky with the star alignment & truth serum.

I wonder if I protect myself too much from fear of being hurt so much so that I end up appearing that I do not care about the other person and as  a result, I may have spoilt something here. Now that I’ve come clean with how I feel, I don’t know if it will make the person understand why I act the way I do and if it will make a difference and revive what the person felt. Or if it’s too late. I would probably kick myself.

I took a chance. I don’t know where it goes, but sometimes do we protect ourselves so much that we deprive ourselves of what we want?

It’s Impossible! Keep Trying!

My friend sent this video of an incredibly heart warming story about Arthur, a Veteran paratrooper injured in the Gulf war. Take 4 mins to watch it. It warmed my heart. I’m so happy for Arthur and glad there was a good yoga instructor who helped him!
I’m a huge yoga fan. It’s not for everyone, but it works for me. I love doing “off the ground” aerial poses and for me it’s hard as hell to get myself off the ground.

I fall, I tumble; I have no idea how I’m possibly going to balance my whole body on my hands or 1 elbow.

The whole thing about it for me is, I just keep going. Like a toddler, I keep trying climb the bouncy castle enough though I stumble and fall and it seems impossible.
I keep repeating the process, falling and laughing (when I’m practicing in private).
When I get to the pose, it’s such incredible joy!

For me, I’m working on translating that spirit to the rest of my life: To get up every time I fall, redo and try again.
It’s work in progress. I am, my yoga is.
So, Believe you can do something, try again and again. Don’t give up.
Sending you all love and hugs!

That was the Rah Rah part.
In all honesty, I wish I was more resilient these days and better at picking myself up to try again.
I really should take my own advice cos I have some good advice (see above)
If only I could get my action brain and advice brain to partner up and fall in love rather than ignore each other.
Well, you all out there, share the video and encourage someone today. Tell them not to give up and to keep trying. If you feel someone needs it, send it to them. Hugs!
Note: Pls do not attempt yoga or any sport without a proper teacher and guidance. You can hurt yourself badly!

Starting the week on a bright note!

There have been a few conversations on twitter, youtube channels etc asking “What do you want for Christmas?” #WhatIWantForChristmas

For me, what I really want for Christmas is love. Lots of it. And it’s not cliched. I’m not just talking about the melting into the eyes of some guy love but just generally. I’d like to be and feel loved by family and friends. A guy would be a huge plus =)

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I have No Idea how it’s now DECEMBER….

578032_457828787587413_1988883184_nI get stuck now and then. Actually, very often. So I need to kick myself and just get moving….

560560_423804901015534_578122533_nAs much as I’d like a great guy and relationship, I want someone who wants a long term relationship and is  going to treat me with care and respect. If someone doesn’t care about how you feel, your well being or respect your thoughts and feelings, you’re doing yourself a disservice.

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“Just Give Me a Reason” stuck in my head. Conclusion: I’m such a fool!

So I’m kind of feeling bleh. It’s December, DECEMBER.
OMG.
HOW did it get to DECEMBER?!?!

I feel like there’s so much left undone and so much I could do and so much that could have happened.
All in all , not exactly very productive thoughts.

Now and then, i’ll have a song that I really relate to that calls out to the depths of my confused heart,
and that means I play the song on repeat for days.
The song for the last 2 days is Pink’s “Just Give Me a Reason”

Sometimes I feel like I’m holding on to people/hope/memories and I wonder if I should be holding on to it. If it means anything to the other person. And quite often, I feel like a fool (in private, though now it’s public…) for thinking that someone cares about me or will call sometime. So, I’m kind of wrestling with those sentiments right now and the song is really how I feel.

I don’t ask for much. Just give me a reason, a sign however small so I know I’m not wasting my time and energy. So I know you actually care. And then, I think, Oh god, I’m SUCH A FOOL.

Anyway, because the song really hits a note in my muddled heart, it gets me all muddled up and sad.

So I should probably STOP playing it. But if you haven’t heard it, check out the song. I like it.

 

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