Drinking tea from a mug, chatting with girlfriends
Me: The measure of a good boyfriend is one who…
(runs in & exclaims)
Abby: measures longer than 6 inches???
Me: No, Abby NO!! That’s not what I meant…
Abby: So you like it small?!?!?
Me: NO, NO!!
Abby: I’m confused…
Friend’s husband: Are you getting married next?
Me: It would help if there was a groom to be in sight…
It would help if I were dating…
Friend’s husband: First you’d have to speak to the guy
Me: Yeah, then he’d have to actually call and ask me out.
AND, continue to ask me out till we get to the point of dating.
Instead of losing interest and disappearing after awhile
Friend’s husband: Call Him
Me: If he’s interested, he’ll know how to call
The last time I took the initiative, the guy ignore my text
The time before last, the guy went AWOL for a whole 9 mths.
The times I took initiative:
Zoey says “I want you to really commit to me.”
My muscles tense up immediately.
It makes me nervous. VERY nervous.
My instinct is to run.
I try to escape but am blocked by a bed, the wall, and Zoey.
She wants me to take things to the next level
She wants me to believe in her
That’s the commitment she needs.
She tells me not to be afraid of pain.
ARE you KIDDING ME??
This is freaking scary.
I look down. I see the faded blue carpet. I’m not ready.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be. Maybe someday.
Not now, not next week, not even next month.
I move my arms as fast as I can in a slow manner, trying not to let on I’m gathering my things to leave.
Honestly, she can probably see I’m trying to get away.
My bag and jacket in hand, I say “I need some time to think about it”
I stand up from the table slowly, “I should go…”
She asks gently, knowing she’s tipped the balance with her demand, “When am I seeing you again?”
I’m just 8 steps from the door. Almost out.
I try to act normal, replying ;”I’m not sure of my schedule yet. I’ll call you… When I can. Bye”
I scurry out.
Yeah my alternative medical therapist wants to take things to the next level
so she can poke me with needles. She says it will help my ankle heal.
Ok ok fine it’s Acupuncture. It’s legit. She’s certified. But STILL!
Do you get your tire punctured on purpose? NO.
Does a punctured tire miraculously heal and become newer than it was before? NO.
You know why it’s called AcuPUNCTURE?
Because it involves puncturing my skin with holes
(I DON’T care how tiny they are!! They are still Holes!)
and maybe even puncturing my organs!!
Actually skin is an organ so in effect, YES. It’s a practice of puncturing my organ!
Thank You but I’ll PASS on that. You keep that for yourself honey!
I’m scared of needles & I hold off getting injections when I’m sick unless I’m left with no other options.
Sharp objects poking into my skin and nerve endings voluntarily? BLURGH
now she wants to poke me with MANY sharp objects. HELLO?!?
It’s not you. It’s me.
Maybe it’s you. Actually, it IS You.
You and Your needles.
I’m sorry this relationship did not work out…..
Somehow, I seem to have a neck for getting into conversations that sound questionable and situations that seem dubious …
I might as well give some good laughs… (see? wasn’t that questionable?)
Jen: You think he’s shown it to you so you’re on the privileged list.
WHO ELSE is he showing it?
Maybe he’s showing it to everyone else!
Me: Hmm. good point
Abby (comes in yelling): WHAT is he showing you?!?!!
I wanna see too!!!
(note: no, it’s not what you think… It just sounds very scandalous =P)
“I guess it depends on what you’re using them for….”
A series of text messages I got from a completely random number:
them: Do I need all of these corpses?
me: Is this my father?
me: No. I think you have the wrong number.
me: But wait…why DO you have so many corpses?
them: Why did you assume I was your father?
me: It’s sort of a long story.
me: Well. Good luck to you then.
them: You too.
And this is why I LOVE the Bloggess! Check out The Bloggess
There’s no one else like her. You’ll wonder how you survived this long without being part of her witty, hilarious days!
If you’re here from NaBloPoMo where the theme of the month is Connect, well, let’s just say I’m dying to connect with people and guys over interesting conversations… (pun totally intended…). Ideally, it would be interesting conversations and meaningful relationships but I’ll take what I can get… (we’re already covered how well my dating life is…)
ME: You know, were you just a tad worried when you realized you had the wrong number?
Them: Nah, we can just add to the corpses… We have a lot as is, one more is nothing…
ME: Hmmm I see. Should you really be texting about corpses? Isn’t it a little sensitive?
You could get into A LOT of trouble… and I mean the FBI, CIA, NYPD, LAPD, WhateverstatePD
Them: I guess, but we’re not too worried. Look how the rest of them turned out…
ME: I can’t see how they turned out but I’m certainly seeing a trend…. Well, I’m just looking out for you. You can be sure I won’t say a thing. It’s just between you and me.
Them: Thanks man. Good to know you got my back. That’s pretty kool.
ME: I’m a woman=) It must be stressful. I’m here anytime you need to talk.
When I say I’m here, don’t come find me or turn up at my door. Texting will do…
Them: sure honey. that’s nice. Our truck is full right now so we try not to travel unless we absolutely need to take care of things…
ME: OK. Sounds good. stay where you are. Be safe and warm. Keep the heat and moisture away, they’re not good for your “passengers”. You should bring a lot of, uhrm, hydrogen peroxide to remove the blood stains?
You know, I just googled and it’s not clear what you use to remove blood stains since they are So. Stubborn.
What Do You use?
Them: Our trade secret. Sorry. can’t share. You often have to remove blood stains too?
ME: Uhrm, think that hits my boundary… Let’s leave this for another time…. I should go sleep. It was nice talking to you. Text soon again!
Them: no prob. we gotta go make grilled meat sandwich. goodnight
Hello, I’m SO SORRY I’ve been MIA. I’ll post another post about why I haven’t been posting.
Let’s get to the fun conversation I had yesterday.
As the title post suggests, my suitor came calling yesterday ….
Side note: It sounds romantic right? =) Why doesn’t anyone speak/write this way anymore?
No one uses “My suitor” or “came calling”.
Now it’s “this guy” “texted me” or “hung out with me”. So unromantic and unclear…
Back to the conversation with my friend…
Me: My suitor came calling yesterday…
Friend: Hope you didn’t pick up the phone after THAT date…
Me: uhrm no, it was a different suitor. He came hopping into my living room more precisely…
Friend: Frogs do NOT count as suitors!!
Me: He’s NOT a frog!! He’s a PRINCE!! We just haven’t kissed yet!!!
Friend: How have things turned out this way? *sighs*
Me: I don’t know. But at least I have a persistent suitor….
Said suitor, takes the form of a young frog. I maintain He’s a Prince. Wait till we kiss!!
He often comes around and sometimes decides to hop into my living room. Since this has occurred multiple times, I consider him a persistent, dedicated suitor…. I’ve yet to get a good picture of him and will post it once I get a good one.
He’s very dark green and he only comes over at night (I know, sketchy right?) so it’s hard to get a good, clear picture.
As this post alluded to, I had a date recently… and it was, well, interesting ….
That’s another post to entertain all of you…. Might as well get a good laugh out of these less than stellar dates!
So I owe you many posts. 1. Why I’ve been MIA 2. The recent date.