Brilliant Wittyness, Musings

Honeymoons make me nervous…

Initially I was going to write about dealing with being judged but hey, it’s the weekend. Let’s loosen up.

So, I read about the unfortunate boating accident at the Hudson River that left the bride to be and a groomsman dead. I went all “You SEE??? That’s what could happen if you get married!!”

Ok yes, I realize most couples do actually go on on to get married and live for a few more weeks/months/years. But these dead spouse-to-be stories just send chills down my spine.

I get a little nervous about weddings and getting married. If you watch enough programs like “Fatal Vows” , “Happily Never After”, maybe you would be too.

I’m sure most of you would say most guys aren’t that way! Look at my guy, he’s a great guy …
Yeah, most of the time, when family and friends are interviewed, they say “I can’t believe s/he did it… they seemed so in love… They were so caring… This isn’t the person I know…” That’s right, You can’t tell who’s going to end up trying to kill you on your honeymoon (or any other time) for your insurance money (or whatever it is you have they want)!

Having watch, heard, and read about too many stories about one spouse/spouse-to-be planning an accident or scheming to get rid of the other to inherit their insurance policy or assets,  I get quite nervous about getting married. My neck starts to feel a little delicate shall we say …

Whenever my friends announce they are getting married and say , “We’re going on a lovely luxury cruise for our honeymoon!” or “We’re going to a Safari for our honeymoon!” I get all tensed up and mildly freak out in my mind. If I could, I’d run in circles repeatedly like a puppy being scared and anxious alone in a room.

My thoughts on those honeymoon trips… “REALLY? a cruise… with a BALCONY did you say? how… erm…Lovely?” Yeah, that Balcony will make it SO MUCH easier to push the other person down and fake an accident. I do not recommend a cruise or balcony suite. Not now, maybe not ever.

Yachts and Cruises sound romantic... Until you're pushed off the deck or balcony...

Yachts and Cruises sound romantic…
Until you’re pushed off the deck or balcony…

“A Safari! How Exciting! There will be LIONS in a very open jeep… OH you planned a few PRIVATE safari drives too!!! How exciting” Yeah, that will just be so much easier to push the other person over to the Lions and fake an accident. So, I do not recommend a safari either. You see the trend.

“Scuba Diving?? It’s ok I can see the fishes on TV.
No, I really don’t want too.
It’ll be too easy for you to cut my oxygen tube during the dive.
You could easily let the knife sink to the ocean floor and no one would ever find it”

I guess that might be the end of the relationship if I ever voice these concerns.

Weddings and the idea of marriage make me nervous …. especially if there is a boating, cruise, safari, scuba dive etc.
AND a new insurance policy in the spouse’s name involved…

I’m glad all my friends have returned from their honeymoon safely — together.
In one piece.

That’s either #LowExpectations (If I get married, I’d like a honeymoon and life without my spouse trying to kill me) or
#HighStandards (I want a good guy, one who doesn’t try to kill me?)

and yes, I realize that story about the boating accident isn’t about one spouse trying to kill the other…
Well, at least it’s doesn’t *appear* to be, YET…

Have a good weekend, have fun,
Don’t get on a cruise with anyone who’s a beneficiary of your insurance policy.
Best thing — make your pet your beneficiary. They generally don’t try to kill you.
Unless your pet is a viper or lion…




  1. Pingback: How Difficult is Dating these Days? | SparkaliciousWit - August 6, 2013

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