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Making Sense of Why the Guy You Love Chose Another Girl

Making Sense of Why the Guy You Love Chose Another Girl

When the Guy I’ve loved chooses to be with another girl, Naturally I’m searching for answers to make sense of it all. What’s the best way to search for answers? GOOGLE. I googled combinations of “Why the guy chose another girl” “Why did he disappear?” “Why did he walked away?” I read through 80, yes … Continue reading


  • Overall Attitudes For Handling Anxiety Here are general mindsets for coping with anxiety if it's a problem for you. The advice below will work best if your anxious feelings are mild to moderate. If your anxiety is more severe you may need to seek extra help. There are quite a few suggestions below, so pick and choose the ones that speak to you the most. The points below are about tackling anxiety directly. You can also do a lot to indirectly cut off anxiety at its source by making broader lifestyle changes, which this article discusses. Another huge part of dealing with anxiety in the long term is facing your fears, both of the situations which scare you, and of your anxiety itself causing something bad to happen in them. This article and this article go into that more. What doesn't work is avoiding your fears or trying to satisfy your anxious urges As this article on the nature of anxiety explains, anxiety will either try to tell us, "Avoid this scary situation and I'll go away" or "Perform these actions and I'll go away" These approaches never work in the long term. It's playing right into the counterproductive behavior your anxiety is encouraging. It's like trying to cure a drug addiction by smoking more crack, because it makes you feel better when you do it. The proper way to deal with anxiety isn't nearly as easy or immediately gratifying as giving into the cravings. Most people eventually decide it has to be done though. As you get more experience with your anxiety you'll be able to handle it better When anxiety first starts to negatively affect your life it can throw you for a loop because it's so scary and unfamiliar. It's easy to get swept up in it without stopping to think about what's happening or where it's taking you. With more experience you'll start to become more familiar with your anxious tendencies. You'll also get to know the course your anxiety tends to take when it comes on. Combined with coping strategies, this will give you more of an ability to address your nervous feelings. The first few times anxiety appears it has the advantage of catching you off guard. With time you're better able to step back and see the process unfold, and matter of factly say things to yourself like, "Oh, I just got reminded of how I need to pay off that debt. My heart is starting to beat a bit fast. If this keeps up I'll feel pukey and shaky soon. I'll use approach X now because I know that usually works." Just being aware of how everything is going to play out can take away some of its power. Accept you're going to be anxious some of the time Everybody gets anxious sometimes. There are just things in life that are going to make us nervous. This is especially true if someone is just wired to be a little more high-strung. Even someone who's become a black belt in coping with their nerves is occasionally going to have it get the best of them. We all have bad days, but that's fine in the long run if they're spread between lots of better ones. Sometimes people can start thinking that they have to find a way to never be anxious again. They can get stuck because they believe they have to totally eliminate their nerves before they can get back to their lives. That's never going to happen though. It's just a part of life that sometimes we're going to feel negative emotions. This seems obvious, but sometimes it's easy to forget, especially since some self-help writing sends an implicit message that it's an attainable goal to get to a place where you feel happy constantly. Realize that anxiety is uncomfortable but harmless One reason anxiety is such a problem for some people is that they (understandably) develop the attitude that their anxiety is horrible and intolerable and they must do everything they can to avoid feeling that way. As soon as it starts to pop up they go into high alert and have an automatic response of wanting to escape and get rid of it. They can change their relationship to their anxiety if they start to see that while it's uncomfortable, it won't kill them, and they don't necessarily have to flee whenever it appears. Learning to let anxiety be present is important to some other steps to overcoming it. Realize you can be anxious and still function or enjoy something Sometimes people start to look at their anxiety in Either-Or terms. Either they're not nervous about something at all, and they can go ahead, or it makes them nervous and they have to take a pass, or somehow make themselves become completely anxiety-free before they can do it. Many things are worth doing even with some jitters. The benefits outweigh the discomfort. When looking back at an event after the fact, how anxious you were at the time becomes even less important. For example, someone may go to a concert even though they don't like crowds. Five years later when they're remembering it, they're probably going to be thinking, "I'm so glad I saw that band before they broke up!", not "I felt a little shaky and nervous at times. I totally should have stayed home." Realize it's just okay to feel anxious Feeling anxious doesn't mean you're weak because you're cowardly and you can't control your emotions. It's okay to be nervous about certain things. We all get that way at times. If you're starting a new job the next week and you're anxious about it, that's fine. There's nothing wrong with you for feeling jittery, even though you logically know there isn't anything to be scared of. Give yourself permission to be afraid. Having this attitude means embracing a contradiction; Anxiety is obviously better if it isn't around, but if it does appear, that's totally acceptable as well. Figure out what is important to you in life and go after it regardless of your anxiety This is one of the central concepts of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Take the time to clarify what your goals and values are and then commit to living them out. You don't put your life on hold waiting for your anxiety to go away, because that will never happen. You accept it will always be there to a degree, but you do what's important to you anyways. Like the point above mentioned, if you're pursuing something you really care about then any nervousness that comes up along the way will be worth it. Someone might decide that it's important to them to increase their social circle. Maybe they also decided one of their values was trying new things. If they get an invitation to go rock climbing with some new people at work, and the thought of it makes them nervous, it'll be easy for them to accept anyways because they can see how it aligns with what they want out of life. Or say someone has to give a speech to help raise money for a charity. They may not be crazy about public speaking, but they'll do it because it fits with their value of helping other people. The anxiety might still come up, but it's put in a totally different context. Maybe you've met an anxious person who seems to follow this philosophy. They come across as fairly anxious in general, but they get by in life. They may even seem oddly comfortable with the fact that they look nervous sometimes, or that they may trip over their words around new people. I've even known people to casually tell their friends about how they get so nervous sometimes that they have to throw up, but they just go to the bathroom, do it, and then get back to whatever it is they were doing. Get to the point where you don't care if you show any anxious symptoms This is easier said than done, but it can be very freeing and soothing if you can get to this place. Anxiety can have such a powerful hold on us because we're afraid of the consequences of experiencing some of its symptoms. Someone may avoid meeting new people because they're afraid of trembling in front of them. Another person may not take the subway because they're worried about what might happen if they get nauseous between stops. It can take a lot of that influence away if someone just says to themselves, "You know what? If I look nervous in front of people, I look nervous. If I turn red while talking to someone it's not the worst thing ever, if I seem comfortable with myself otherwise. If I'm out at a dinner, and I get so worked up that I lose my appetite and people comment on why I'm not eating, that's fine. I'll manage. I'm going to do what I want to do anyways. I'm not going to let my anxiety dictate my life and hold these things over me." Of course, if you can start to think like this, where you don't care about the consequences of your anxiety, you'll often be less likely to feel anxious in the first place. Be okay with telling people you're anxious Another point, similar to the one above, is that it can help to get to a place where you're comfortable telling people you're anxious at that moment, or have a problem with anxiety in general. It takes away one more thing anxiety can hold over you, the belief that you can't ever let anyone find out you're feeling that way. Anxiety is universal, and pretty much everyone can relate and won't judge you for it. Yeah, you probably don't want to tell everyone the whole saga of your nervousness within five seconds of meeting them, but just knowing you don't have to keep anything a secret can be a relief. Most anxious symptoms aren't as obvious as it feels they are This point seems to contradict the ones above it in a way. I just said not to worry about showing symptoms, but now I'm explaining how many symptoms aren't even that noticeable? Doesn't that seem to play into the idea that people should be concerned about everyone picking up on their nervousness? I guess it is a bit of a contradiction, but sometimes I think it's fine to hold two conflicting ideas in our minds at once. Like I was saying, many people let their anxiety control them because they're worried about appearing visibly jittery. Most symptoms of anxiety aren't as apparent as it seems they are from the inside. Even when someone is extremely panicky, it often doesn't look all that special to an observer. Just knowing this can take away even more of anxiety's power. Learn when to listen to your anxiety and when not to take it seriously Anxiety isn't all bad. It warns of dangers we should attend to. A smidgen of anxiety about a school assignment can get us started on it, when we'd otherwise put it off until the last second. Nervousness about a debt we have to pay off reminds us of the importance of not ignoring it, and that we shouldn't frivolously spend our money. We all know anxiety can be very irrational as well. Our fears can be greatly exaggerated and unrealistic. We can find ourselves worrying about things that are extremely unlikely to happen. It's important to balance your reaction to your anxiety between these two ideas. On one hand, a lot of the things our anxiety tells us are totally unrealistic and exaggerated and can be brushed aside. These thoughts are the anxiety speaking, not the 'real you'. If you want to take a stroll around your block and your nervousness tells you, "A meteor may hit you", that's something you need to dismiss. Sometimes your anxiety is trying to tell you something legitimate, even if the way it's presenting those concerns is a bit over the top. In these cases trying to make the nervousness go away may not work as well. This sounds a little odd, but here it can help to actually listen to your anxiety and acknowledge that you've really heard it and considered what it has to say. The way I picture it is that a part of your mind knows something is a legitimate concern. It sends your anxiety as a courier to relay that message to you. If you keep trying to push the anxiety away, that part of your mind will continue trying to deliver the information. When it's satisfied you've actually heard what it has to say, it will breathe easy and leave you alone. For example, say you're nervous because you need to find a job. If every time you start to feel anxious you try to make the feelings go away, they may keep coming back. If you take a minute to listen to what your anxiety is telling you, and then go, "Yeah, I do need to look for a job soon. I'll get on it. Thanks for the message" you may find it stops coming back. The important thing is that you truly consider the message and intend to act on it. In a sense you 'solved' the issue you were anxious about, so the emotion has no reason to linger. You didn't literally fix anything, but sometimes just intending to get started is the same. Sure, this tip won't magically work every time, but it can help in some cases. Follow the 'process' When we're anxious it's sometimes because we're worried about something that may happen in the future. For certain situations you may be able to calm your nerves by reminding yourself you'll follow the 'process'. What I mean is that for things like looking for a job, there's an ideal process you go through. You update your resume, you apply for different positions, you reach out to your contacts, maybe even see an employment counselor, and generally try your best to find work. If you don't find anything, the process has additional steps you can go through, like asking your parents for a loan, selling some of your stuff, applying for unemployment, or moving back home while you wait for the job market to get better. The process is designed in a way that if you follow it you'll probably be okay. There are similar processes for other situations like applying to universities, navigating a troubled relationship, or creating a social circle. You can reduce your worries by telling yourself, "There's no point in fretting about what might or might not happen. I'll just follow the 'process', handle each phase as it comes, and that should see me through." You're going to be doing the right actions, so you can take your thoughts out of the equation. The defiant attitude vs. the calm, accepting attitude For many of the attitudes mentioned above, you could take two approaches to applying them. Both seem to work in their own way. As I love to say, you could always use a mix of both. One way would be to take a tough, defiant stand towards your anxiety; "Oh, I'm starting to feel pukey before meeting my friends? I don't care. I'm not letting my nerves push me around any longer. I'll throw up in front of everyone if I have to, but I'm standing my ground and not avoiding my fears any longer!" This can be a very good way to motivate yourself, but some people might say the whole struggling and fighting thing is unnecessary. The other route would be to take on a more Zen mindset. You calmly roll with whatever your anxiety dishes out, all without straying from following your values. If your anxiety interferes with your life you accept that and don't expect everything to work out perfectly all the time. You have a positive, understanding view of your nervousness; It's just trying to help, but it goes overboard sometimes and it nothing personal. As written on Succeed Socially Related articles Anxiety ( How To Stop Anxiety... Step 5 ( This is me. (
  • Stressed, Frustrated, and Overwhelmed I've been trying to finalize a project agreement. At this point, I'm frustrated at the new tricks one person in the process keeps throwing into the mix. I'm tired out and I really do not want to keep discussing new conditions the person throws in. I'm stressed every time I get a new revision Fear sets in with the thought " Uh Oh, i wonder what he's put into the document this time..." Which leads to dread Opening the document is like being fed on by a Vampire you see at the corner of a deserted alley late at night but you walk towards him anyway... I opened the document and scrolled through. I felt instantly drained of all my energy. Bitten by the Vampire. I just want this to be done and to agree and finalize the terms so everyone can get to the work. Is that so difficult? Once you agree on something. Stick to it and don't keep adding new terms. It drags things on needlessly and makes you look bad & lack credibility. Now I'm working up the energy to look through the document and catch the new clauses and address them with the people involved. Wish me luck and goodness. I need it! Related articles Combating Emotional Vampires (
  • Find the Goodness in Return If you have been disappointed, take heart. For you are also in a great place from which to start. When you've made the effort and failed to get the desired result, see it as the blessing it is. You have just discovered what doesn't work and that will help you figure out what does work. When people are critical of you, sincerely thank them. They have just given you a valuable perspective which can help you to become even more effective. In the moments when frustration comes, feel the intense energy that comes with it. Transform that energy into determination, and make it a powerful, positive force. Even when there are good reasons to feel sorry for yourself, don't. Those very same reasons can be reasons to move forward with more commitment than ever before. Whatever life may give you, choose to give goodness in return. And nothing will be able to hold you back from the sweet fulfillment you deserve. Ralph Marston - The Daily Motivator related articles 6 Steps to Finding the Good in Your Life
  • As a writer, I’m a thinker by nature. I need to think about what topics to delve into and how to best express them. But sometimes, thinking can get me into trouble. Maybe you can relate. Often, our thinking goes into overdrive and turns into fixating. And we end up spending (or should I say “wasting”?) a lot of time ruminating on things that don’t matter, things that keep us worried and distracted from reaching our goals. Here are four things you can stop worrying about — forever: 1. People who are doing better than you We’ve all been there. “What — THAT book is a bestseller? The plot is terrible and the writing is filled with grammatical errors!” “My four-year-old could have come up with that!” “I had that same idea last year. They just got lucky.” Really, this reaction is more about us than it is about them. We could have done better if only we’d actually written that novel or pitched the idea. But where the successful person took action, we stalled. Action trumps perfection. Stop thinking about all the worse-than-you writers and entrepenrus who are making it big and instead, use them as motivation. After all, if they can land that awesome assignment or end up on the bestsellers list even with all their flaws, you can do it, too. If you only forget perfection and take action. 2. The competition It’s a bad idea to share your ideas and contacts in such a competitive market. After all, there’s only so much to go around, right? Wrong. In my 16-year career as a freelance writer, I’ve discovered there are more than enough opportunities for everyone. And the more I helped out writers who wanted to brainstorm ideas or know how to contact the nutrition editor at Health magazine, the more other writers shared information and opportunities with me. In fact, I can calculate at least $50,000 of work over the years that came from networking not with editors or agents, but with other writers who passed my name along to people needing writing. Wall yourself off from other writers because they’re your “competition” and the universe will wall you off from writing opportunities. Instead, consider other writers your friends and colleagues, and share, share, share. 3. What the market wants The surest way to lose your unique style and quash your brilliant ideas is to become obsessed with figuring out what the market wants. Often, the market doesn’t even know what it wants until it gets it. How could it? Of course, you want to create something others will like, but don’t lose your voice trying to conform to what you imagine will appeal to the largest demographic. Maybe you’ll start a trend instead of following one. 4. Rejection A “no” from a gatekeeper can bring on obsessive thoughts in any person’s mind: What’s wrong with my work? What’s wrong with ME? Maybe I should just quit. The people who succeed in this world are the ones who can blast past rejection. After all, this is a numbers game. What would have happened if JK Rowling hadn’t racked up all those rejections for the Harry Potter series, or Steve Jobs had never returned to Apple after being fired from the company he started? Rejection isn’t about you. It isn’t even about your work. It’s a sign that what you have isn’t exactly what the permission-givers need right now. I got 500 rejections from magazine editors — at least — and still made a great living writing mainly for magazines. For me, each “no” was a stepping stone to the next “yes.” Maybe the same can be true for you… if you can let go of what your friends are doing, what the world wants, and what the critics think — and just persevere. Post by Linda Formichelli, who blogs at The Renegade Writer.   Related articles Why You Should Fail At Things A Lot ( Three Reasons Why Writers Are Crazy ( How Jeff Goins Went From 50 Blog Readers To 100,000 (
  •   Drinking tea from a mug, chatting with girlfriends Me: The measure of a good boyfriend is one who... (runs in & exclaims) Abby: measures longer than 6 inches??? Me: No, Abby NO!! That's not what I meant... Abby: So you like it small?!?!? Me: NO, NO!! Abby: I'm confused...
  • Friend's husband: Are you getting married next? Me: It would help if there was a groom to be in sight... It would help if I were dating... Friend's husband: First you'd have to speak to the guy Me: Yeah, then he'd have to actually call and ask me out. AND, continue to ask me out till we get to the point of dating. Instead of losing interest and disappearing after awhile Friend's husband: Call Him Me: If he's interested, he'll know how to call The last time I took the initiative, the guy ignore my text The time before last, the guy went AWOL for a whole 9 mths.   The times I took initiative: He's Running Away, Literally Skeptical Hope Being Ignored      
  • theBalm is having a 1 Hour only 50% off sale! 50% off FLASH SALE at on Wednesday, September 25th from 12- 1pm PST! Favorite items: Nude'tude palette Bon Jovi Palette Down Boy Blush Mary Lou Highlighter I haven't tried their new cheek Instain and this is a great time to snag it! 50% of all proceeds will be donated to SMART, a nonprofit organization that provides educational opportunities to financially disadvantaged students. For more information about SMART, visit Related articles The Balm Betty-Lou Manizer AKA "The Bronzing Bandit" : An Insight ( The Balm Haul (
  • Cute animals, big doggy smiles make me feel better. Not enough to alleviate my stress but some Cute is better than no Cute. So here's your BIG Smile and Cute for the Day!
  • Every time I think I'm to write a quick short post, it never turns out that way. I'm not sure if I should post this. See, I started this blog as a place for humorous, fun, and good content. Not to talk about what I'm worrying about or how I feel. But more and more, I feel the draw to post when I'm feeling down, upset, or nervous. I've mixed feelings about this as this isn't what I want the blog to be about While it gives you readers an understanding of what I'm facing and adds to authenticity, I'm not sure how much you all want to read about this and I don't want to bore or annoy people. I'm pretty affected so I'm just going to post about this. (and make it short and sweet) There's something that's going on that's making me nervous and anxious. I'm nervous about how things will turn out and worried if the other person will take my suggestions or insist on theirs. I hope they will be as generous as possible and they will be understanding of me and my situation. But there is always the possibility people will strong arm their way through and have a "Take it or Leave it" attitude. I know worrying about how someone is going to react and feel doesn't solve or improve a situation. But it still impacts me and makes me anxious and nervous because this is important to me. I have a lot of other things to get done in the meanwhile but I'm finding it hard to focus and there's this knot in my stomach. I'm feeling little colorful jumping jelly beans inside me. I promised you it would be short AND SWEET =) Jelly Beans are Sweet. What do you do and how do you cope when you are nervous or anxious? I tried pressing into 2 pressure points on my hand (left edge of the wrist & flesh between the thumb and second finger) but they are not helping to reduce my anxiety about the situation. I'm going to write a letter to the person I'm speaking to about the situation and see if that will help. Updates later. Send me any advice & good wishes that the situation will turn out well for me! Tell me how you feel about these types of post. If the feedback is "Stop posting how you feel, no one cares!", I won't post such topics. Just let me know =) Thanks a million! <3 Related Links 11 Tips to Manage Anxiety (Psych Central) Understanding Brain Anatomy to Lower Anxiety (
  • Zoey says "I want you to really commit to me." My muscles tense up immediately. It makes me nervous. VERY nervous. My instinct is to run. I try to escape but am blocked by a bed, the wall, and Zoey. She wants me to take things to the next level She wants me to believe in her That's the commitment she needs. She tells me not to be afraid of pain. ARE you KIDDING ME?? This is freaking scary. I look down. I see the faded blue carpet. I'm not ready. I don't know if I'll ever be. Maybe someday. Not now, not next week, not even next month. I move my arms as fast as I can in a slow manner, trying not to let on I'm gathering my things to leave. Honestly, she can probably see I'm trying to get away. My bag and jacket in hand, I say "I need some time to think about it" I stand up from the table slowly, "I should go..." She asks gently, knowing she's tipped the balance with her demand, "When am I seeing you again?" I'm just 8 steps from the door. Almost out. I try to act normal, replying ;"I'm not sure of my schedule yet. I'll call you... When I can. Bye" I scurry out. Yeah my alternative medical therapist wants to take things to the next level so she can poke me with needles. She says it will help my ankle heal. Ok ok  fine it's Acupuncture. It's legit. She's certified. But STILL! Do you get your tire punctured on purpose? NO. Does a punctured tire miraculously heal and become newer than it was before? NO. You know why it's called AcuPUNCTURE? Because it involves puncturing my skin with holes (I DON'T care how tiny they are!! They are still Holes!) and maybe even puncturing my organs!! Actually skin is an organ so in effect, YES. It's a practice of puncturing my organ! Thank You but I'll PASS on that. You keep that for yourself honey! I'm scared of needles & I hold off getting injections when I'm sick unless I'm left with no other options. Sharp objects poking into my skin and nerve endings voluntarily? BLURGH now she wants to poke me with MANY sharp objects. HELLO?!? It's not you. It's me. Maybe it's you. Actually, it IS You. You and Your needles. I'm sorry this relationship did not work out..... Related articles My Experiences with Acupuncture ( Why I Stay Away from Electro Acupuncture (for now) ( Understanding Acupuncture (
  • Somehow, I seem to have a neck for getting into conversations that sound questionable and situations that seem dubious … I might as well give some good laughs… (see? wasn’t that questionable?) *********************************************************** Jen: You think he’s shown it to you so you’re on the privileged list. WHO ELSE is he showing it? Maybe he's showing it to everyone else! Me: Hmm. good point Abby (comes in yelling): WHAT is he showing you?!?!! I wanna see too!!! (note: no, it’s not what you think… It just sounds very scandalous =P)
  • Snorting cocaine means you can drink MORE and Party till dawn! That's what the rest of us with tamer habits learned from her interview with Oprah. Here's Lindsay Lohan partying hard, drinking shots with a not so glamorous party face. Check out her interview with Oprah. I wish her luck in her recovery. Related articles Lindsay Lohan's Oprah Interview Did Not Boost Ratings For OWN! ( Lindsay Lohan Lying About Drug Use? ( Lindsay Lohan celebrates her new healthy lifestyle with a cigarette (
  • As part of a re-launch of their loyalty program, Beauty Insider, they are encouraging (yes, definitely) you to buy more beauty stuff this week. Beauty Insiders get 2x points. So if you've been trying to get to VIB status, you only need to spend $175 to get there instead of the usual $350. or you get to redeem gifts by spending half the amount! So for 100 pt and 500 pt gifts, you'll only spend $50 and $250 respectively. VIBs get 3x points. Rogue Members, which is their new tier being launched for members who have spent over $1000, get 4x points. So Stock up and Buy away! From 12 - 18 August 2013. If you are buying in the store, mention the secret password "Celebrate BI" They are also launching SUPER gift redemptions if you have 5,000 or 10,000 points. But I doubt most of us have that many =P Go shopping and share what you bought!

Sassy Conversations:

Nurse: Are you sexually active?

Patient: No. I just lie there.

~Nurse Jackie

"If alcohol truly made one feel better or solved problems, there wouldn't be alcoholics" ~ Sparkles

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Scarlett Johansson’s Engaged! Foget the ring, Admire her cleavage!! Celebrity Engagements! Katie Couric & Mila Kunis too!

Clear Details of Scar Jo and Katie Couric's engagement Rings!

New Post – Mila Kunis Engagement Ring Close Up! Engaged to Ashton Kutcher!

Mila Kunis Reveals Her Engagement Ring!

Trending Thoughts in My Head

10 Aug 2013 "Ah I remember the first time I met Smores. At night, under the stars, with lit candles all around. It was romantic.

Until I stuck it over the fire...
and bit my teeth into it... Muahaha.
(As I was writing this, I thought about guys.
I'm not sure why that thought popped into my head because I try not to do that with guys -- I try not to burn them or bite them in any possible way...)

Good for me, Smores? Probably not so.
Happy National Smores Day!"

Random Updates… Always Fun, Never Boring

I'm on Coffee #5. ALREADY. Probably a bad idea.
Mambo #5 is alot more fun and jazzy.

And oh, I have a red swollen ankle, I've named it Randolph after it's cousin Rudolph.

Pictures available upon request.

Or maybe I should reword and use the annonying line of "your pic gets mine"

Though I really don't want pics of anyone's ankle.

Scratch that.
Do not send me pics of your ankles or any body parts!!!


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